What hath weird science wrought?

With John T. Bone's latest contribution to the art of envelope pushing, Electro Sex, the XXX market is presented with a landmark feature. It will captivate some viewers, disenfranchise others, but, will, in any event, eradicate many pre-conceived notions about the limits of sexual performance (and endurance).

This show, quite assertively, goes one step beyond, in that it echoes an enchantingly perverse turn of the TV show "Mr. Wizard". What with the staggering assessment of holy-cow gizmos occupying its playing field, Electro Sex can be seen as a meld of both function and fashion, sort of a video catalogue of the damned, it might seem.

But what lies within its riveting periphery may, indeed, be the tip of the iceberg of virtual reality. Here we have a 21st century environment of electrically endowed agent provocateurs of pleasure including tit vacu-suck stimulators, electrically-charged lucite anal probes, battering ram pussy plungers which, with minor adjustments, could well serve as miniature atom smashers and anal joy buzzers.. .the possibilities of new frontiers in orgasmic achievement are bewildering but encouraging.

Alex Jordan, in a completely over-the-top assignment, plays a kind of female Colin Clive, who lures unsuspecting flies to a spider's web that looks like a laboratory straight out of a Boris Karloff flick. Why are these people so blindly compliant to Alex's libidinous biddings? They're sexually frustrated and are in search of the latest set of kicks on the block. Alex gives it to 'em in spades. "I make fun," she says tersely. You'll soon discover just how.

CJ. Bennett is the first to take the walk on the wild side. Alex lubes up an electrostatically-charged vaginal shield and introduces it into CJ.'s pussy. A ride on "Space Mountain" is probably a rush hour traffic tie-up on the Ventura Freeway, compared to the exhilaration that CJ.'s obviously experiencing. Alex cranks up the voltage, promising her the hottest orgasm she'll ever experience in her entire life. If the electric chair promised similar thrills, then first-degree murder would become an outré fashion statement.

Umma and the new Aussie discovery Carl Radford are the next contestants in this avant garde home game. Alex introduces a plug into Umma's nether regions that serves as a kind of roto-rooter for G-spots, and rigs Carl up with a mild voltage cock and ball ring. In this case, however, excess is best. Introducing yet more wiring and connectors than a VCR/cable-TV hookup, Jordan, cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West, circuits both Umma's and Radford's assholes with electric butt plugs. She warns them: no kissing or touching. Why? I don't know. Ask Thomas Edison or Ben Franklin. Call, it fuckability access, a term Jordan sprinkles liberally in this scene.

Lana Woods, who's I a unique story in herself, is suspended in what looks like a life-sized penis pump. Jordan then primes her with a remote-controlled pneumatic dildo that seems to have a life of its own as it snakes its way toward Lana, like a King cobra responding to the mystical notes of a fakir's flute. This sets the table for some ordinary, by comparison, dick-in-the-ass action in which Woods takes it one-at-a-time from three different male studs, the scene culminating in a resounding in-the-kisser facial bath.

In the all-girl sequence, Alex models a battering ram penis. If R2D2 had a dick, this is it. Woods' ass, in the meantime, is wired up with enough power enabling her to receive HBO and Showtime, while Umma and C.J. are off making science fair projects out of their respective orifices.

For sex junkies seeking their next visual high, Electro Sex is the logical plane of ascendancy, a portentous showcase that demands its own special niche in the XXX genre.

(All the devices used in this feature are available through P.E.S..

See their ad this issue for ordering info. Give 'em a buzz...get it?)