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Haunted Nights

Haunted Nights

Released Aug 01st, 1993
Running Time 112
Directors Jace Rocker, Jim Enright
Company Wicked Pictures
Cast Mystica, Celeste (I), Randy Spears, Nicole London, Steven St. Croix, Marc Wallice, Woody Long, Sahara (I), Jake Williams, Britt Morgan, Jonathan Morgan
Critical Rating AAAA 1/2
Genre Feature



Jonathan Morgan and Steven St. Croix reprise their Arabian Nights roles as bumbling, Stooge-esque private dicks Sam Flywheel and Roscoe Wagstaff in this sexually superior, manic, elaborate farce, set in a haunted castle in Scotland.

The whacky pair (and everyone, including Sahara, whacks hapless St. Croix) have been dispatched to locate the missing heiress to the McAngus castle and fortune before the deadline gives the loot to evil uncle Earl McAngus (Randy Spears) and his lady Britt Morgan – sort of a Scots version of Gomez and Morticia Addams. Add to the mix a white butler named Benson (Wallice); a werewolf named Frankenstein, with appropriate teenage letter jacket (T.T. Boy); an impossibly voluptuous vamp named Lorna Doone (Celeste); an evil lawyer (Long); a more-than-vaguely Jewish mad scientist locked in the basement with his beautiful assistant and an ape (Ron Jeremy, Sahara, and Jake Williams, respectively); and a few damsels in distress; blend in a truckload of puns, double-entendres, anachronistic cultural references ("If it's not Scottish, it's crap!"), hilarious sound effects, and porn in-jokes; put the mixture to boil in an outlandish mansion/castle, complete with Moorish columns, crystal chandeliers ("My great-great-great grandfather murthered himself there!"), fabulous doors; bats, halberds, pikestaffs, claymores, a maze of doors, closets, and dungeons; and then direct at the headlong downhill pace of Clinton's popularity rating, and you may be coming close to the antic madness of Haunted Nights. The script for this lunatic marathon must have rivaled the Manhattan Yellow Pages; if anyone had logged the entrances and exits, sight gags, and double-takes, we'd be talking U.S. budget-size.

Humor is the most difficult genre of porn to bring of successfully; despite its prevalence, most porn humor just isn't very funny. The subgenre of farce, with its stringent requirements of rapid pacing, precise cues, and physical comedy, is usually beyond the modest acting skills and limited production time given to most videos. Director Jim Enright, with the good help of co-director/scripter Jace Rocker, and his co-writer and star Jonathan Morgan, and co-star Steven St. Croix, have belted the ball out of the park. Fast, funny, and overplayed just enough by everyone, it works beautifully.

And the sex will knock your socks off! The highlight scene is undoubtedly the Celeste/Woody Long pairing. Seldom does plastic surgery really affect the screenability of a porn performer – it's primarily for the benefit of her dancing career. But Celeste has transformed herself into superstar quality, and this scene with frequent partner Woody just blazes – you won't forget the unreal facial that tops it off. Other standouts include the sandwich/double facial of Britt Morgan by Randy Spears and Marc Wallice; and T.T.'s anal scene with Sahara, with a sensational penetration shot. Also of note is the feature debut of Mystica, a slim, long-legged, elaborately pierced and tattooed babe with the longest nipples since Renee Morgan, who gets initiated by Steve St. Croix.

Six fine sex scenes, superb direction, editing, art direction, and production values (marred only by occasional subpar sound), and general hilarity distinguish this delightful outing. A fine boxcover (see our cover) completes the package.

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