I'm very glad I first got to see this feature in a theater, and those of you out there with big-screen TVs are in for a REAL treat, because everything about this hot, sexy, intriguing, surprising, confusing, roller-coaster tour de force for director Greg Dark screams: LARGER THAN LIFE!

Even the opening titles – quick cuts of the main babes shaking their booties, intermixed with close-ups of their sexy eyes – add to the ambiance, as the tape's credits weave in and out distortedly over the girls' bodies; a portent of things to come.

Ostensibly, this feature records and animates the musings of bespectacled midget, er, vertically-challenged Leslie Forbes, who, as the story opens, is riding around L.A. in a large car, looking for some hookers. He finds a trio lurking on a street corner, and magically transports the cutest one (Juli Ashton) to his drawing room, where she satisfies the desires of two guys dressed in clown suits (Marc Wallice, Tony Tedeschi).

Clown suits, fer gosh sakes? CLOWN SUITS? What have we got here? Nightdreams without the gloom? Untamed Cowgirls with more linearity? Night Trips without Tori Wells? One thing's for sure: there's not a Walkman in sight.

From this point, the steamy action never stops, though it's interrupted briefly between scenes for Forbes' musings on the differences between men and women, the utility of sex and the nature of reality. But I think the viewer doesn't actually realize how much director Dark is playing with his/her head until white-jacketed "shrink" Jon Dough, after brutally analyzing Forbes into his pocket recorder, turns out to have green frog's feet and begins to intersperse his critical comments with "Ribbit… rabbit." Wheels within wheels, as they say…

So let's forget the message – and I think there is one; maybe two or three – and concentrate on the sex. After wide-eyed Juli gets it in both ends from the leering Emmett Kellys, while Amanda Addams wriggles nearby and eventually gets basted with some crème de penis, we get a lecture on the nature of prostitution featuring Chasey Lain. Chasey's as groin-tightening as ever, sitting at her make-up mirror, applying lipstick, asking white kaftan-ed Arabs, "How much can you spend?" to fuck her. They offer pig's heads and whole chickens – but it's T.T. Boy's hundred bucks that convince her to take on him, the Arabs (Tom Byron, Vince Vouyer) and VixXen (how'd she get in there?) all at once. Long-haired VixXxen's the scene-stealer here – she's all over the place, sucking and fucking, judicious editing even makes it look like Chasey's having a good time.

More of Forbe's musings on seduction lead to an outdoor(!) 18th century bedroom setting, where the elegantly-dressed Vouyer tries to seduce lace-bedecked Nikole Lace, hampered all the while by maid Tammi Ann and family dog Tom Byron (dig those floppy ears!) Both babes wind up being plunged up the keister, alas without insertion shots – but look for those pleased faces and satisfied moans. Dark is one of the few directors who realize that the face is at least one of the top two sexiest parts of a woman's body.

Now things get really weird. Picture the gorgeous Barbara Doll in an arctic setting, sitting on a block of ice, trying to entice two penguins (Nick East, Marc Wallice) with large fish so they'll come and fuck her. Yeah, she obviously thinks it's pretty funny too; she can barely control her laughter. But once the boys, er, birds insert that anal dildo, get simultaneous blowjobs and sandwich the French bombshell between them, you'll be surprised the whole scene doesn't turn into a tropical rainforest from the heat.

Then it's back to our web-footed friend Jon Dough, who's comforted by nurses Jewel and Sandi Beech on the examining table. The girls are all over Dough, and he's into both of them, but the climax has him cumming in his own cupped hand and the girls licking out their share. Finally, we get the piece de resistance: three simultaneous scenes on a white marble spiral staircase. In the middle, dark and light intertwine, as black-beaded Misty Rain orally pleasures white-bearded Chasey, their necklaces creating shifting spiderwebs across their sleek bodies. At the bottom, a crinolined Yvonne plays with the cock of a similarly-dressed Mark Davis, while on the upper landing, the always-ready Marilyn Martyn takes on Marc Wallice and T.T. Boy (why is his head in a birdcage?) till they cover her dark '50s style sunglasses with their white cream – but that's not enough  for the insatiable Martyn; "hayseeds" Tony Tedeschi and Nick East replace Wallice and Boy for Martyn's second round, which ends in a well-inserted d.p. The feature closes with Forbes returning to Juli to her streetcorner (or did they ever leave?) and himself disappearing. Whew! What the fuck does that mean?

Nominations are in order for Director Dark, Director of Photography Johnny English, Editor Bill Miller, Art Director B.J. Spitz, Forbes for non-sex role and Martyn for sexiest performance yet this year, with Yvonne not far behind. Retailers: you must stock this sure hit heavily!