If you ever wanted to actually watch Madonna fuck instead of merely hear her sing about it, the fourth scene in this generally good "porn freshmen collection" is probably the closest you're ever gonna get. A striking, voluptuous blonde who could easily snatch first prize at a "Material Girl" look-alike contest lays down a hot track as she, a brunette and a vibrator all make beautiful music together. All that's missing is Ms. Ciccone's recent horny cover of the old classic "Fever."

Maybe I was just feeling star-struck, but several of the other rookies in this vid also bear resemblances to certain celebs. The second scene debuts a pouty little German thing who looks like a young Barbara Hersehy. She does her part to strengthen U.S./Deutchland relations by taking a nasty gob of goob on her chin (how do they do that?).

Next up is a pretty, but flat-as-an-ironing board red-head who could easily be Nicole Kidman's sister. The tart's level chest topography, however, is offset by her sultry fuck-me-harder-you-bastard attitude and world-class moaning talents.

While the other scenes are expendable, retailers might want to push the Madonna look-alike angle. Like a virgin my ass.