What coulda been a contenda come awards time shoots itself in the foot by violating one of porn's cardinal maxims: a soundtrack chock-full of moans and groans will invariably be hotter than one featuring generic fuck-footage music.

Imagine, therefore, the blown opportunities presented by Starbangers 8, in which gorgeous Nici Sterling takes on 18 studs, performing, among other Olympian-like feats, nine straight d.p.'s.

Incredibly, however, the goings-on are all maddeningly tepid due to the producers' decision to give us a wall-to-wall porn muzak soundtrack with nary a single freakin' warble from out beautiful British songbird.

Oh, what could have been..