Ten minutes into this "Happy Hooker" routine, it suddenly dawns on you that radiantly reminiscing blonde-haired blue-eyed Valkyrie Kristina Belanova is actually speaking phonetic English.  Paging Mr. Berlitz!

This "bad schoolgirl gone badder" mockumentary is pretty thin on story but thicker than an Octoberfest malt when it comes to oversized servings of sordid sex.  Fact is, one needn't be a Werner from the Braun to distinguish the flashbacks fromthe main thrust of the story; and who really cares when there's anal, facials, and lesbian tongue lashings to be savored?

Kristina and all her female pals have that slim, perky, toned appearance that only youth can afford; but lack some of the exhuberance one might rightfully expect.  They may be faking every eye-rolling moment, but for the nasty women-as-spooge-receptacle crowd they'll do quite nicely.

One particular backseat limousine fourway delivers two unusual pop shots, which we'll affectionately christen the "tether ball effect" and the "toothpaste tube."  (Use your imagination.)  An honorary "Pachard" statuette for the female masturbation in the public toilet scene, wherein Kristina's brunette friend squirts her way to a relieving orgasm.

While we're handing out play-awards, the "Linda Blair in Born Innocent" trophy goes to an imprisoned babe who irrigates her rectum with a cop's nighstick while Kristen receives the high hard one from nice Mr. Policeman.  (Who says there's never a cop around when you need one?)  Or a gynecologist, for that matter, when a routine plumbing inspection (replete with a gadget that looks like a cross between a shoe-horn and an ice cream scooper) turns into an impromptu proctology exam for our homeopathic heroine.

Visible insertion shots may be a basic mechanical concept that eludes the Germans, but Sex-A-Holic Lady still runs like a well-tuned Mercedes.