As you might imagine, one of my favorite all-time oil paintings is the one I got hangin' in my dog house under the 8 by 10 glossy of Rin Tin Tin.
You know which one it is. It's the famous one with a bunch of tough-lookin' pound puppies jawin' around a card table playin' poker. Nuthin' sexy about it, mind you, then again, neither is this video.
In paintin' terms, Tricky Business is the velvet Elvis of sexvids. (How come nobody ever talks about Elvis' hound dog?) Except this one features four card layin' puppies who just happen to resemble Jon Dough, Tom Byron, Alex Sanders and Rick Masters. Makeup-wise, though, it's hard to tell. Anyways, you'd think these guys were auditioning for a Scorsese movie, or a page 27 article in the New York Post (my personal favorite for house breakin'), judgin' by the accents, the cigar smoke and the mob nicknames.
The murderous tough guy improv has to tell ya that Dough and these guys either wish they was Harvey Keitel or had a script to work with. Same goes for the dames who spend most of their time snappin' gum, seein' who's gonna win the Lorraine Bracco lookalike contest. Lennox, with a Bronx tease-job only Liz Taylor could love, comes pretty close. Though, for the life of me, I can't figure out how that blondie, Crystal Gold (her name would be the envy of any Russian wolf hound), figures in this Mediterranean-lookin' sewin' circle.
Lookin' for something to do after their nail polish dries, the girls get in the bordello (I'm surprised they can pronounce it) business, and the guys take alternate turns away from the game for a sniff around the ankles. Lennox is pretty good lookin' for a human, though I'm partial to Italian spitzes myself. She's got an ass rounder than a Ceasar's pizza-pizza, so that, at least, puts her one-up on an Italian spitz.
Most of the dialogue's shot in a room darker than Old Yeller's future, and the sex movies quicker than a mailman at a Doberman family reunion. That's so we can have more screen time for potential Best Actin' awards in the new AVN Joisey mobster category.