Must we suffer through yet another costumed mini-epic, with good photography, attractive performers and beautiful locations - that is laughably executed, and with lame sex?

Bad dubbing aside, the story unfolds in such awkward fashion that the viewer is still chuckling well into each of the numerous sex scenes, most of which are further undone by a lack of variety or enthusiasm; even a double-vaginal and d.p. with Euro-stud Hakan, his pal Valentino and a busty blonde fails to generate much heat. Hampered by a music track best described as a merger of Ennio Morricone and Muzak, the overall effect, particularly during the numerous, slow-motion cumshots, suggests more than anything a lost episode of "Ripping Yarns."

C'mon Joe. We know you can do better than this.