If these Hot Body contests were any lighter, they could be launched as weather balloons. Today, the ladies are being judged on a one-to-ten scale on such crucial criteria as Beauty, Body, Stage Presence, Panties, and Crowd Response. Which in a nutshell actually means maintaining delicate balance between revealing as much cleavage as humanly possible while grinding their hips lasciviously. ("Stage presence." Sheesh!)

There seems to be a distinct division in Perfect Panties. If we were Marxist dupes we might even call it a class division. What it boils down to is the difference between the naturally endowed girls and the artificially enhanced one. The former group is mainly comprised of cute, neophyte college students, who generally seem to have a laissez-faire attitude towards winning, as evidenced in the numerous behind-the-scenes interviews. Their attendance is strictly based on the sheer fun of exhibitionism… while on the other hand, their hooter-enlarged competitors have a clear agenda which suggests that their livelihood in some way depends on the outcome.

Unlike the "naturals," the jelly-jugs crowd have all their exotic dancing moves nailed down to an almost-too-perfect degree. Frankly, we at AVN prefer the natural gals, whatever their bra size or dancing ability.

Two more different groups you couldn't find, but the common denominator (aside from the fact that all the girls put on their panties after stepping into killer heels, practically toppling over while doing so) is a smattering of tempting redheads. This treat for the eyes almost makes up for the absence of any girls of exotic heritage.

There's something raw and carnal about a natural redhead named Mae, but alas, her flipside is silicone-friendly Kelly Ashton - who's eventually revealed to be the winner. (Kelly shows complete pink in one of the many staged strip sequences which are edited in-between the live contest footage.)

Somewhere along the line, viewers will probably forget all about the panty angle and simply appreciate the full banquet of nudity.