What's the old saying about sticking a 500-pound gorilla in a tuxedo?

Anyway, there's a new cast of female recruits vying for the prestigious red one-piece, and it's up to the boys to put them through their rigorous paces. If rigor is defined as executing the missionary position on a chaise lounge, then what you have here is the Parris Island of swimsuit videos. Chuck Martino gives Mila a mouth-to-mouth demonstration which, instantly, becomes hand-to-gland resuscitation. Strange to say, Mila doesn't get fucked in the ass. Which doesn't quite address the question about Shawn Ricks, who starts off tonguing LeeAnna Heart only to disappear, leaving Mickey Ray with mop-up chores.

Alec Metro's tanning lotion/doggie scene with Raylene actually begs for an encore. Which is more than you can say for the four-way bathroom finale of Martino, Billy Glide, Cortknee and Lexi Eriksson. Let's try it again, this time without the cumbersome angles.