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Texas Dildo Masquerade

Texas Dildo Masquerade

Released Aug 01st, 1997
Running Time 113
Director Jim Powers
Company Heatwave Platinum
Cast Dave Hardman, Mila (I), Randi Storm, Cheyenne (I), Candy Apples, Rod Fontana, Tabitha Stevens, Steve Hatcher, Sweetie Pie, Jonathan Morgan, Ron Jeremy
Critical Rating AAAA 1/2
Genre Feature



How many times have you, as a viewer, knocked on the door of adult parody only to walk away disappointed? Too many, right?

Not this time, buck-o. Which is to say that director Jim Powers, master of the dementia universe, a guy who ordinarily brings you chicken men screwing pig women, has finally come home to roost.

At long last, Powers has found his real barnyard niche; and Texas Chainsaw Massacre, perhaps the least likely of candidates for a satirical sex movie, receives a Powers's sendup worthy of a Cannes Film Festival award. Or is it "Mad TV?" Whichever.

Depending on one's sensibilities, of course, other suggestions on where to stick this minor masterpiece will probably come to mind. But for those who have a real eye for detail, a mere glance at Texas Dildo Masquerade will tell you that sweat and blood was poured by the vat into this production. Hopefully, not in the literal sense.

Powersian, hard-nosed ass fucking, a clever story, great delivery and an obeisance to frame-for-frame authenticity lends this project instant cult status.

The story is set in Anus, Texas. Strange goings-on are taking place at a local dildo factory, and the cemetery has been desecrated with blow-up dolls exacting unmentionable acts upon other blow-up dolls. Along comes a van of innocents, including Ron Jeremy in a wheel chair. How innocent does that get? In one sequence, Jeremy manages a miracle worthy of Jerry Falwell by getting out of his seat long enough to bang Candy Apples in hers. This is with the help (a double vaginal penetration unfolds) of hitchhiker Dave Hardman. Hardman, as one of the local wackos, finally gets a chance to flex a muscle other than the one between his legs. Did someone say a Best Supporting Actor nomination?

Those of your familiar with the rest of the story can expect our intrepid bunch, including heroine Tabitha Stevens, to wind up as a shrieking audience for a family of, as one might suspect, inbred Republicans.

As leader of the clan (which includes Rod Fontana in wonderful makeup as Grandpa), Jonathan Morgan has never been better. he's so over-the-top, he's over-the-wall. True to form, there's a Leatherface-type character who wields a chainsaw with a lethal dildo attached to it. (Catch a sly moment when Jeremy whips out a photo of himself posed along with Gunnar Hansen, the real Leatherface.)

If there's any disappointment to be registered, it's Stevens' apparent sexual remoteness. She's about the only female in the cast who doesn't get fucked in the ass. (She gets a regular hetero jobbing from Morgan.) To add to the sins, there are other sexual motifs which ordinarily spell participation in a group scene, only to have Tabitha withdraw to the cop-out solo masturbation route. Okay, a small price to pay on behalf of a production that goes whole hog (there's that pig woman again) to deliver the goods.

Bear in mind when stocking that Texas Dildo Masquerade is not going to be a universally embraced feature. A good guess is that some elements within the adult industry might even distance themselves from it. But that's what makes this business.

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