Captain's Log: seven inches. Sex Trek returns! Writer/director Cash Markman has a keen ear for satire, mixing equal dollops of the “real” '60s series with the crew's self-awareness that they're in a spoof.

Two authentic Star Trek plots provide a great springboard for potential flesh encounters. Shay Sweets plays Charly, a ravishing human raised by aliens, who mentally inhabits other bodies. Apparently Markman's so busy with jokes, sets and costumes (all spot on) that his attention to action becomes an afterthought.

Spears (in great shape/10 years older than Shatner was in his Trek prime) nabs a few decent humps with female crew members Vette and Sophia, but his real contribution is comedic. Beyond recreating Shatner's thespic tics, he nails a female personality inhabitation! Horner's stoic Mr. Sperm finally puts the pinch on Nurse Chapstick (Ray) and Austin ably replaces Joey Silvera as Boner. Viewers will laugh more than masturbate, but they'll appreciate the effort.

Pre-noms: Best Sex Comedy/Screenplay/Actor (Spears).

Retailing: Go where no man has cum before!