Hawaiian Blast? Hawaiian fizzle is more like it.

For starters, the would-be farcical plot about high crimes and misdemeanors among a group of Hawaiian tourists is plodding at best and lame-brained at worst, featuring a Peter North performance that's so wooden (no pun intended) it makes Steven Seagal seem like Olivier by comparison. The script, meanwhile, features such unintentional howlers as Kobe Tai telling Heather Hunter while sitting in a creek that "water is like people. It comes in little drops, touches, you, makes you wet for a while, then is carried down life's stream." Wow. Now that's deep.

Strong sex, though, can usually overcome even the weakest of storylines, right? Too bad then that this vid's six sex sequences -- stingily doled out in between looong stretches of dialogue -- are about as generically white-bread as they come (the sole bright spot being North's massive kisser-coating of a relatively understated Mila).

But even if there had been some forceful fucking, it would've been torpedoed by what is arguably the most ill-conceived editing job to come down the pike in many a moon. For whatever maddening reason, director Ralph Parfait insists on cross-cutting between and away from his carnal couplings, thus thoroughly undermining whatever momentum they were building.

The most egregious example is a Jon Dough/Holly Body pairing. Once it finally begins to pick up steam, Parfait's camera starts going back and forth between it and a T.T. Boy/Alexandra Silk duo. While the director lets us see the climax of that latter, thoroughly mundane scene, he leaves Dough and Body hanging in mid-thrust to cut to a completely new twosome, the aforementioned Hunter and Tai. Only after they satisfy each other, and we're subjected to even more non-sex cutaways, does Parfait finally come back to the Dough/Body finale. By that time, it's unlikely any viewers will still give a shit.