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The Ozporns

The Ozporns

Released Oct 01st, 2002
Running Time 116
Director Antonio Passolini
Company VCA Pictures
Cast Tanya Danielle, Tawny Roberts, Calli Cox, Chloe (I), Samantha Sterlyng, Steve Hatcher, Nikita Denise, Baz (I), Cheyne Collins, Kyle Stone (straight), Harry (I), Aria, Marty Romano, Sindee Coxx, Pat Myne
Critical Rating AAAA
Genre Feature



Every frat house in the world will want this, as well as everybody who appreciates a decent parody.


Izzy, Sherry, Fiona and John - who doesn't love MTV's hit reality show The Osbournes?

Oops; that's wrong; this is VCA and the show is The Ozporns - and despite its "shaggy dog" ending, it's writer/director Antonio Passolini's funniest feature in over a year. (Hey, who could forget Cap'n Mongo?) And perhaps the best thing about it is, even if one has never seen the cable TV show upon which this feature is based, it's still funny!

And the guy who almost single-handedly makes it that way is a British actor using the name Baz. If he looks somewhat familiar to longtime porn fans, he also used to go by the name Shane Hunter. And to those who frequent porn sets, he's also known as one of the best cameramen in the adult business, with plenty of AVN Awards under his belt to prove it. But this time, the camera chores are left to Toni English and Jake Jacobs, as Baz -wearing glasses, a long, black wig and painted-on tattoos - camps it up outrageously, mumbling in a cockney accent about "bats up the ass," mocha cappuccino enemas, grilling the Pomeranian on the rotisserie and dozens of other things that are very similar to the real-life Ozzy Osbourne, and hilarious at the same time. On the other hand, the real Ozzy apparently doesn't need all those bran muffins to keep himself regular.

Sadly, the supporting characters aren't quite as memorable. Tina Tyler plays Baz' wife, but since she seems to be limiting her on-camera sex work these days. Sindee Coxx, Baz's real-life wife, plays the family's live-in assistant, taking care of the more mundane chores, keeping track of the "kids" played by Tawny Roberts (in a garish orange wig) and a bespectacled Cheyne Collins (who has visions of being a porn producer)... and keeping Baz "regular," wink, wink, nudge, nudge, knowhutImean? Too bad none of the gals' British accents work.

Once the characters are set up, however, the main plot emerges: Tyler has rented the house out for a porn shoot, so most of the rest of the cast gets to play themselves having sex in Baz's living room or bathroom... or Collins' bedroom, as in the first scene, where Nikita Denise and Pat Myne introduce the boyish lad to the pleasures of double penetration. After Myne takes Denise doggie-style, Collins gets some anal spooning and Denise mounts Myne's cock for anal reverse cowgirl.

This is apparently Roberts' feature, however, since she's the only one who gets two scenes: A three-girl dildo-and-strap-on fuck-fest on the bed with Calli Cox and Tanya Danielle, and a tub-edge bounce with Rick, which includes two anal positions. Also notable is a side-by-side with couples Samantha Sterlyng/Steve Hatcher and Aria/Marty Romano, featuring plenty of anal. Also worthwhile is a threeway with Chloe, Collins and Kyle Stone that includes two d.p. positions - and both guys in the d.p. actually move their cocks in and out of the tiny brunette. (Take our word: That's rare.) Score a pre-nom for the vid as Best Sex Comedy, a Best Actor pre-nom for Baz, and a Best Director nod for Passolini for delivering a very funny, very wankable bit of pornography.

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