Sick and tired of the idiots who pass themselves off as contestants on Who Wants to be A Millionaire? Wondering when that crotchety old bitch on The Weakest Link is going to keel over as worm food? Ever wonder when those whiners on Fear Factor are going to do something worth watching?

Wildlife's Anal Contest 2002, taped before a live studio audience, tries to cure that sort of game-show apathy. Hosted by Ron Jeremy (much easier on the eyes, and nowhere near as annoying as Regis) and trophy girl Simone Clair, contestants of this game show put their asses up for, in the words of producer and director Bobby Rinaldi, "a good amount of money." (Probable translation: Their anal fee.)

Dave Cummings, Sindee Cox, Henri Pachard and AVN's Mark Kernes serve as judges for the contest and clarifies the fine points of this anal competition such as confirming that a cock is, in fact, in the ass. Tough job, but someone's got to do it.

Nellie Pierce, paired with Tyce Buné, steals the show with her enthusiastic solo, with Buné lending his fingers into her cootch before he invades her ass. Pierce proves to a competition-grade anal contender with lots of A2M, gapes and rims Buné's ass.

Jewels goes for volume, grunting and yelling to Dillion Day how she wants be fucked up her shithole, and, in an inspired moment, how she'll knock him out if he doesn't stick it in her ass. The nasty slut doesn't stop, and takes Day's dick in her ass like a woman with some serious stock options in Depends.

Just as interesting is the spontaneity, which includes Mark Ashley walking on his scene with Catalina, and Clair fucking on stage while the judges confer.

All of which makes for reality TV much more interesting than Big Brother.