Most box cover hype is just so much b.s.

This tape's isn't.

"If you've seen every blowjob movie ever released, you have never seen one like this!" Elegant Angel strongman Patrick Collins waxes. "I guarantee it!"

Adds the vid's rookie director, Mason (that's a she): "I am not your version of a lady!"

Both, we're uh, satisfied to report, are right on the money.

With Lady Fellatio in the Doghouse, Mason, who in real life passed on law school to shoot porn (there's gotta be a lawyer joke in there somewhere), has basically re-vitalized the all-oral genre pioneered by Elegant's Award-winning Blowjob Adventures of Dr. Fellatio line, which this new series replaces. For starters, each of this ambitious tape's 15 scenes is set in a different locale, many of them with little vignette-like storylines. And they're shot with a fluid, multi-angled camera, rather than the standard male POV shot that is the stuff of most all-oral tapes and which can get old real fast.

"Yeah great," you're saying right about now. "But is the damn thing wankable?"

Is it ever. 'Cause what really makes Lady Fellatio so fucking good is Mason's in-the-gutter porn aesthetic. This bitch is one filthy fillie, possessing a Grade-A smut sensibility second to no male. In short, she clearly knows what guys like to jack off to. And she serves it up here in spades. Lady Fellatio virtually oozes with hard-edged face-fucking, eye-tearing deep-throating, gagging, slapping, choking and tons of drool (and b.j.-tape purists beware: there's even a healthy smattering of ass eating).

Not content to merely silently direct, Mason pro-actively spikes the heat by occasionally but very dick-stiffeningly dirty-talking from behind the camera, nastily encouraging her salami-swallowing sluts to whore themselves out. Shit, her blistering raps - the word "fuck" rolls off her trash-tongue as naturally as others say "please" - in and of themselves are load launching. Our only complaint? There aren't enough of 'em.

But one sure doesn't have to wait long to hear one. Her most heated discourse occurs at the end of the scorching opener as Brit super-slut Flick Shagwell power sucks some guy on an outdoor condo balcony in almost full view of a pair of real gardeners in the street below. "You gonna make him cum?" Mason asks Shagwell in a violent staccato orgy of foul language. "Cum all over your fucking face? Your filthy fucking whore face?" Uh, yes, yes and yes.

Not every scene in the tape rocks that hard, but there's certainly enough of them that do to easily warrant plum Editor's Choice status.

To wit: female pervert Michele Raven in studded dog collar choking down Tyce Buné, obscene saliva strands vomiting forth, a real canine lapping some Purina slop off her toes (You read right. Guess this is the title scene), he slapping her face, she eating his ass, he blowing in her mouth, she spitting the goo back out onto his dick then loudly slurping it up again.

Or, in perhaps the vid's most perverse scene, little schoolgirl-like Terry, gagged and bound spread-eagled in some Silence of the Lambs-like basement, assaulted by a pair of dicks ("fucking nice and sloppy," Mason tells her) and of course, a pair of loads.

Or, in the tape's wettest, sloppiest, gooiest scene, self-described Drool Monster Mia Domore and gal-pal Lena Ramon double-teaming Buné's cock, nuts and asshole, loudly slurping all the while, then hungrily taking his steamy scum in their mouths and messily tongue swapping the shit.

And so on and so forth.

The year's only half over, but if there's gonna be hotter, nastier, more spankable all oral tape in 2002, well, it'll probably be the sequel to this one. Pre-nom Lady Fellatio in the Dog House for Best Oral-Themed Feature.