How to convey the sheer absurdity of this tape? How to explain the first 23 minutes of it, as huge, African-American Norma Stitz (get it?) appears in a fancy evening gown as scratchy jazz music plays in the background and the camera shakes like a puppy in the snow. Norma seems quite satisfied to smear on lipstick and chatter to herself about a mystery man named Steven Paul (actually, as we, Norma's voyeurs, learn, Steven Paul isn't always Steven Paul. Sometimes he's Steven, Norma says, and sometimes he's Paul). What we do know about this schizo is that he likes it when Norma wears lipstick. Red lipstick. And he likes it a lot.

When Norma finally reddens her lips enough for Steven's (or Paul's) tastes, she sort of dances around and takes quite some time to peel off the dress, revealing what the box cover claims is "recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records [as] the largest all-natural breasts on the planet." They are indeed huge; pendulous, hanging bags of flesh that hide the area where a smaller woman would have a waist. In abrupt cuts, we see Norma smoking in the bedroom (still yakking about Steven Paul), licking her tits and touching a vibrator to the outside of her pussy for a bit.

Another abrupt cut and Norma's joined by an equally large-framed pal. The two eat chicken, drink alcohol and remove their tops, measuring their breasts with measuring tape. Norma's pal clocks in at 52 inches. "They done grew!" she shrieks, delighted. Fifty-Two lets on that she's bisexual and wouldn't be averse to some fattie fun, but Norma immediately reminds her that they're "just friends." There's erotic tension for you.

Norma alternates between inviting other friends over for these little non-sex tit-measuring sessions, and finally scoops petroleum jelly out of a tin and rubs it on her boobs.

So where's the sex? There isn't any. If there's any pay-off here, it's when some geeky guy - perhaps the elusive Steven Paul - walks in and Norma and her friend plop their boobs on his head and shoulders.

We're speechless. A strong pre-nom for the Adult Video Nudes category would appear to be in order.