Espying from afar pert little April Flowers fondling her ass, pussy and tiny little titties, director Jules Jordan asks his star, Lexington Steele, "What do you think we should do to that thing?"
After considerable thought, big Lex - AVN's newly-crowned male performer of the year - turns to the camera with much profundity on his face and replies, "I think she should be impaled."
For the next two-plus hours, Steele puts his words into action, impaling the mouths, pussies - and sometimes assholes - of such A-list female talent as Sophie Evans and Miko Lee (and some lesser lights like Flowers) with his 12-inch chocolate spear.
If not consistently over-the-top blistering, the results are very solidly strokable indeed.
Two of the scenes - Lex's pounding turn with dragon lady Lee (looking hotter than ever in giant black spikes and fishnets), including a violent gem of a money shot, and his horny pairing with gorgeous Euro-babe Evans (we're in love) - deserve Best Couples pre-noms.
But for pure inspired filth, blonde Brit bombshell Layla Jade steals the show with her non-stop spitting (usually onto fellow Brit Jessie J's asshole while Lex reams it) and delightful dirty discourse in her very proper accent ("Lick my fucking shitty asshole while he fucks me"). Face it: that line wouldn't work nearly as well in a generic Porn Valley inflection.
Steele's loud, energetic impalement of Flowers' flower and his back-dooring of the big-titted, modestly-emoting Darla Crane also have their share of yam-yanking moments.
Lots of tease and some A2M throughout the tape add to its wanton worth. As does the cock-sucking: all five fillies, their mouths stretched to the breaking point by Steele's oversized stiffie, is beautiful porn scenery.