Pity poor General Eroticus (Darian Caine).

Clad in nothing more than plastic armor, she's sent to the hinterlands of Germania to quell barbarian tribes. But she has her breasts (probably the best in the Roman legions) on her side, and uses them for motivational purposes to, ahem, rouse her troops to battle. Dale Carnegie she ain't, thankfully for us.

"See, the troops love you," Emperor Gluteus Maximus (Jeff Faoro) says after her battle.

"Nah, they just love my tits," she responds.

All she really wants is to return to her home of Lesbius. But Maximus wants to make her emperor, and his son, Dickus Minimus (John P. Fedele) conspires to do away with her (sound familiar?); much lesbian hilarity ensues.

No kidding - this is a very funny feature that never takes itself too seriously. Think of it as a campier Xena with more skin that doesn't just imply lesbianism. It's a joy, for once, to see a video where the cheesy sets, cheaper props and a penchant for overacting actually lend itself to the overall performance.

The softcore lesbian scenes in this clever and witty spoof of Gladiator don't hurt the eyes, are nicely shot (mostly outdoors), and surprisingly well done for a softcore production, with a soundtrack that ranges from acceptable to fairly okay. The tape would also be a good diversion for lesbian fans looking for something other than the usual porn faces with names taken from streets in the San Fernando Valley. Keep in mind that it is softcore; little pussy is shown, and, sadly, no dildo play. Scenes of note are a threeway between Eroticus and two blonde and busty centurion would-be assassins and the final lick-scene, a seven-girl lesbian orgy pile-up.

Damn, now that's what we call history come to life!