Howard Stern, who really don't know shit about porn, recently bitched that smut was getting too safe and respectable. He obviously hadn't seen the ultra hard-edged Slap Happy, a wildly in-your-face, perversely in-the-gutter, filth-drenched antidote for the typical run-of-the-mill all-oral tape.

Like a degradation-dispensing protégée of Max Hardcore (whose pervasive influence becomes more apparent with each passing day) director and star Alek James Hidell has come up with an uh, extremely vile concept: slap the shit out of the bitches' faces as their mouths get roughly stuffed by his not-inconsiderable tool.

But that's just the tip of this very nasty iceberg. Most of the female cast spend much of their screen time literally gagging on the cock that's forced, with all the tenderness of the Nazi blitzkrieg across Poland, into the back of, and down, their throats. That, in turn, causes them to spew out anaconda-like saliva strands (which, shot perversely from below, look especially imposing, frequently splattering the camera lens) and other substances whose origins we won't even begin to hazard a guess. Be assured: this is one messy production.

Hidell's favorite M.O. is to choke the tarts with one hand, grab their hair by the roots with the other, assault their mouths, make them verbally humiliate themselves ("I'm a filthy teenage whore," etc.), blow monster load after monster load all over their kissers, then parade their drowned features before the camera and given them a few final cracks for good measure. If one image captures the essence of Slap Happy, it's the lingering close-up of Nadia Foster's extremely goo-glistening mug, ball-gag in mouth, collar emblazoned with the word "bitch" around her neck.

In a nod to political correctness, mom, apple pie and all that is good and decent, Hidell interviews some of the walking wounded following their scenes, asking them why in the world they would submit to such degrading treatment. Their lame and utterly meaningless rationales aren't even worth mentioning, except for the only one that counts: "Because I like it."

Not every one of the tape's 12 scenes has the dick-stiffening intensity of, say, the first two, featuring, respectively, human cum dumpsters Shyla and Gia (who, like all the females in the tape, are little more than passive flesh sockets to be used, abused and thoroughly dominated by Hidell). Not all of the girls are what you'd call gorgeous. And the industry's Old Guard/more conservative factions are certain to find the tape appalling.

But taken as a, uh, hole, Slap Happy is quite possibly the filthiest all-oral tape ever shot. It serves as a swift kick in the ass and a, well, slap across the chops, to those who would make porn too vanilla and mainstream.