Tom Byron's Planet of the Gapes 3 is a killer study in ass-parting relentlessness that features a heart-stopping, cheek-breaching lineup. Resuscitators and oxygen tents notwithstanding, Gapes 3 offers what might be considered a nom-worthy tryst that finds Luciano butt-fucking Charlie Angel in a style worthy of Norman Bates. It starts off properly enough, with Charlie Angel milking Luciano's dick like an udder at a slutty 4H competition. Once aroused, Looch goes on the attack and does honor to the great serial buttocks fondlers of history. If Charlie had trouble shitting after this scene, it must have been the concrete-and-cheese diet, because there's no way the woman walks even remotely normally after this one. The fact that Looch gives it to Charlie alternately between ass and mouth in the finishing frames only scores bonus points.

Angelica Sin looks spectacularly gorgeous, radiant and lusty; but derives little use from her "A.R.T." - anal readiness toy. That's because Mark Davis starts launching loogie grenades in her shit basket from the get-go and war's declared on all fronts. Subtle as the move is, Angelica raises the temperature at least another 20 degrees by stretch-assisting her ass at every turn and angle of the camera, thus prompting the gods of anal to bestow rave reviews from above.

Byron then asks Vivian Valentine if the viewer can expect a large circumference. Can you spell hula hoop? Tommy rolls Viv into a ball - then munches, fingers, and produces a fissure equal to a Siberian crater as he commences a series of parry-n-thrust maneuvers on her crevasse worthy of a Borgian swordsman. Byron, in another scene, tells Bridgett Kerkove he's heard that she does amazing things with her asshole. But, since no chopsticks are around, he settles for a conventional buttfuck which, by the time it's over, has Kerkove practically eating her kneecaps.

In the finale, male performer of the year Lexington Steele's either breathlessly excited over the prospect of nailing Kristi Myst in the ass, or is on something that's spelled with 15 letters. Either way, when Kristi turns sidesaddle, she's got a look on her face similar to that on a heroine in a Roger Corman movie.