|Released||Oct 04th, 2011|
|Running Time||113 Min.|
|DVD Extras||Still Gallery(ies), Trailer(s)|
|Cast||Tom Byron, Jessi Palmer, Ryan Driller, Krissy Lynn, Joey Brass, Bridgette B., Marie McCray, Jennifer Dark, Evan Stone, Alan Stafford, Brandy Aniston|
|Non-Sex Roles||Andy Appleton|
|Critical Rating||AAAA 1/2|
Though This Ain't Dracula XXX 3D is somewhat based on the legendary novel by Bram Stoker, sadly, the movie itself is only mildly plotted, rather relying on scenes taken from the novel and given director Axel Braun's hardcore spin. The scene-selection method worked well with Hustler's This Ain't Ghostbusters XXX 3D, but with Americans already well-familiar with dozens of different versions of the Dracula legend, the current movie needs a bit more linking material to be called a "feature."
That said, there's some excellent action to be found here, beginning with Dracula's (Evan Stone) "gift" to Jonathan Harker (Ryan Driller) in the form of three vampiresses—Brigitte B., Brandy Aniston and Jennifer Dark—who seduce him as he spends the night in Drac's castle. Needless to say, all the gals want to gobble Ryan's knob, but when it comes to fucking, Brandy gets the lioness's share. He takes her missionarily and in spoon, while Brigitte humps him doggie style—love that hip action!—and Jennifer mounts him in reverse cowgirl. And when one gal is fucking him, the other two are either playing with each other or soloing beautifully.
Also well worth watching is Lucy Westenra's (Marie McCray) seduction of Jonathan's fiance (and Lucy's gal-pal) Mina (Jessi Palmer), which begins with some tit licks, then proceeds to Marie chowing down on Jessi's taco (which she clearly enjoys). Tables are turned when Jessi starts licking a standing Marie, then continues as Marie bends over in doggie ... and Jessi adds some fingers to the mix. Then it's back to Marie for more pussy-eating, this time on the floor, until Jessi returns the favor.
Somewhat less interesting is the movie's main anal scene, with maid Krissy Lynn servicing Renfield's (Tom Byron) pole through the bars of his cell in the insane asylum, but it isn't long before she's opened the cage and allowed him the pleasure of her ass in doggie, mish and both cowgirl positions. Sadly, Krissy just doesn't seem that into the action.
Somewhat better is Marie's graveyard seduction of two of her former suitors, Alan Stafford and Joey Brass—even though she's now undead. However, it seems that Marie clearly prefers what Alan's doing to her—reverse cowgirl, sidesaddle, mish—over Joey's attempts. Indeed, she hardly ever even looks at Joey through the entire scene.
Finally, Evan, who's been absent for the previous 90 minutes of the movie, appears mysteriously just as Jessi is exploring Tom's cell. Evan gives here the now-famous "Dracula stare," entrancing her so that she barely notices that he's undressing her. But his kisses spark a b.j. reaction, and as he lays her on Tom's bunk for missionary, she moans "Take me! Take me!" Of course, he's Dracula, with all the S/M undercurrent that most retellings of the legend miss, so it's no surprise that Evan grabs Jessi's throat and tit—hard. It's also clearly in play when the couple are spooning and Jessi declares, "Take me, master!" Sidesaddle follows, then anal mish and sidesaddle, and as she swallows his spew, she screams out that it burns.
The 3D effects, which we watched on a Samsung 3D TV, are generally excellent, though nowhere near the special effects accomplishments of Ghostbusters. Still, wide shots provide just the depth that 3D fans will look for, even if close-ups don't provide quite the foreground/background discrimination we'd like.
Though the sex is clearly 4A material, we're adding an extra half-A for the excellent 3D work.