|Released||May 05th, 2011|
|Running Time||112 Min.|
|Distribution Company||Digital Sin|
|Cast||Dana DeArmond, Xander Corvus, India Summer, April O'Neil, Rocco Reed, Tyler Knight, Bobbi Starr, Lee Bang, Kimberly Kane, April O`Neil|
|Non-Sex Roles||Paul Woodcrest, Brian Street Team, Giles, Tim Cannon|
|Critical Rating||AAAA 1/2|
From its generally fine acting to its often-volcanic sex scenes to its dead-on costuming and make-up to its excellent special effects to its "film look," Star Trek: The Next Generation - A XXX Parody is the best movie we've yet seen from award-winning director Sam Hain—and considering his previous accomplishments, that's saying a lot. But to put the icing on the cake, Hain even found a Patrick Stewart look-alike, "Giles," to play the ship's captain.
As with Hain's X-Files parodies, the plot of this sci-fi sexer fits nicely into the ST: TNG universe. Early on in the mainstream series, the ship's weapons officer, Tasha Yar (played by India Summer in a blonde wig), was killed on a mission, though the crew later met up with her duplicate in a parallel universe—where she was also killed, this time by the villainous Romulans, though not before she bore one of its leaders a daughter. Here, the Enterprise's "away team" discovers her body, now said to be in suspended animation, in a sort of coffin on a distant planet, and they bring her back to the ship to be revived by medical officer Kimberly Kane. Then things get a bit complicated.
As might be expected, the Enterprise crew is a randy bunch, though for some reason, most of their sexual encounters take place on the ship's "holodeck," an area of the ship that, through use of three-dimensional computer simulation, can be transformed into pretty much any other place one can think of.
For instance, when Troi (April O'Neal) goes on her date with Riker (Rocco Reed), the room becomes a simulation of the Enterprise's bridge, and the pair gets it on in one of the control room seats—a little cramped, but Rocco still manages to bend her over for a hot doggie pounding, then lets her sit on his cock in both cowgirl positions (where her hip rotations will be raising trouser tents across the known universe). A squeal-y mish follows before he unloads his spew on her tits, and she gives his cock a couple of final sucks before the fade-out. It's easily the movie's best scene.
Geordi (Tyler Knight) detects some tachyon emissions from Tasha's coffin, and he uses the holodeck to summon up an old colleague, Dr. Leah Brahms (Bobbi Starr), to help him decipher the readings. Of course, since they were lovers way back when, they renew their collaboration with a hot couch bounce, also courtesy of the holodeck. After some initial tit-licking and b.j., they get down to business with cowgirl rides, mish and doggie before using this movie's cum-destination of choice, the tits.
Somewhat more acrobatic is the match-up between alien weapons specialist Worf (Lee Bang) and his protege, Ensign Ro (Dana DeArmond). Lee takes her from behind in horsie position, then lies on the deck while she mounts him for both cowgirl positions. But when he enters her spoon style—better seen because she lifts her leg while he's pounding away—her screams of delight coupled with her pelvic rotations will delight viewers. After more reverse cowgirl, Lee stands her up and penetrates her pussy from the rear, and again, her lifted leg only adds to the heat.
Clearly, this movie's most on-target actor is Xander Corvus, who plays the android Lt. Data. Apparently, somewhere back in Star Trek mythology, Data and Tasha had a night of passion, and they relive that here. Xander fingers India's sphincter as she rides him, then after an energetic reverse cowgirl, he cums on her ass—but he's not finished yet! More reverse cow follows, then doggie, then mish until he cums on her chest.
The plot intrudes at this point, with a mind-controlled India seizing control of the ship's weapons systems so her daughter (also India) can lead a Romulan ship in attack—but India can't bring herself to shoot Xander, who helps her bring the weapons back online and chase the Romulans away ... as India collapses and dies in his arms.
The movie concludes with the scene fans have been waiting years to see: Capt. Picard (Giles) and Dr. Crusher (Kimberly Kane). Sadly, they'll have to wait a bit longer, since Giles won't have on-camera sex (yet?), but they will still enjoy the long b.j. scene that follows, with Kimberly applying her mouth vigorously to stunt-cock Xander POV style, ending in a facial.
Note: The Extras include a half-hour softcore version of the movie, suitable for parties.