As befits its title and source material, this Mike Quasar parody has to be one of the most quotable porn scripts ever. Shot against a black background, six top-notch porn starlets personify their pussies in hilarious bits that lead into light-hearted, female-centered sex scenes.

Samatha Ryan has a 140 I.Q., but her “clit is a magnet for morons” and her smart vagina “can’t say no to stupid”—as personified by Anthony Rosano (who keeps a straight face while saying, “It’s your snatch, your slut slit, your cock pocket, your meat hole, your meat curtain…”).

Kimberly Kane has the highest respect for her natural bush: “I like to have a big burly guy standing watch over my vagina to make sure no losers get in—but sometimes I give him the night off, and when I do, in the morning the place is a mess.” Fortunately, she finds a kindred spirit in Michael Vegas.

And Kristina Rose has a magical vagina that casts a spell over her gynecologist (Mark Wood), but then “his wife’s vagina found out about my vagina, and everything just took a tragic turn.”