LOS ANGELES—As everyone across the globe deals with the COVID-19 pandemic in their own way, long-running adult brand Porn.com provides a fun and useful tool for riding out the pandemic: Their new Enhanced Toilet Paper Calculator.
The new tool is available now and was designed to be a more accurate measure accounting for sticky habits in these more stressful times.
“We've had our top men on this one,” said a spokesperson for the brand.”By harnessing the power of math and using a little elbow grease, our crack team of researchers has been working hard to crack out real results.”
While the public has been bombarded with toilet paper memes and online calculators designed to help gauge how long your personal toilet paper stocks may last, developers at Porn.com noticed one glaring omission; Toilet Paper isn't just used for pooping. Suddenly, the harsh truth settled in and because the scientific community had ignored the ever-important jizz quotient, something had to be done. Immediately, the team's Sexy Super Science Division jumped into action to run the numbers to calculate for this missing variable.
Now, adults all over the planet can visit the Porn.com Enhanced Toilet Paper Calculator for reassurance that they won't deplete their supplies with cum and jerk themselves and everyone else into armageddon.
The calculator page itself features a countdown showing the calculated days of remaining TP based on the values entered. The number of “wankz” is included along with a range of advanced options. Further exploration into their scientific method revealed more.
“We measure the volume of what our experts are calling 'NUT' that’s produced in each test,” the spokesperson said. “In the end, we can see just how much splooge it will take to break society.”
As store shelves that were once lined with toilet paper now lay barren, the public can take solace that with the help of Porn.com, they can more accurately measure the impact of cum and the true toilet paper inventory remaining for these periods of isolation.
Put the Toilet Paper Calculator to the test on a PC, tablet or smartphone for free.
