A woman wearing only a white button-down shirt was caught masturbating on the furniture at an Ikea store in China. Talk about making yourself at home — and turning furniture into “porniture.” A video of the incident went viral, but was removed from all Chinese social media, and it remains unknown who shot it. Screenshots of the exciting shopping trip can still be found circulating online.
The woman, who decided to do herself at the DIY furniture store, was caught on camera doodling her hoo-ha in various parts of the store, including the chair section and the mattress section. As she pleasured herself, shoppers walked by, and what a great sight it was for all the Dads out furniture shopping! And what an innovative way to sell furniture!
“We resolutely oppose and condemn this kind of behavior, and immediately reported it to the police in the city of the suspected store," Ikea said in a statement to AFP.com, a global news agency in China.
The store reports it has jacked up security in the store to deter future furniture do-it-yourselfers. Ikea encouraged shoppers to “browse stores in an orderly and civilized way," not realizing that if they just paid girls to play with themselves on the couches and chairs, business would increase five-fold!
AFP reports that Chinese citizens can face up to 10 days in jail for “deliberate public nudity” and anyone caught uploading or disseminating “obscene” content can serve 15 days in jail and a fine, which makes masturbating in public and filming it even more exciting!
The video is thought to have been filmed in January or February, as all Ikea stores worldwide have been closed. We are waiting to see if a trend has been started on the store’s re-opening. (“Attention shoppers, woman fondling her lady business on aisle 4.”)
And from the department of fun facts, of all of the sexual fantasies, “having sex in public” ranks at No. 3 with “having sex with a neighbor” at No. 2, and “having a threesome” as No. 1. Maybe “having a threesome with a neighbor at Ikea” could be the new sexual fantasy.
The world record for masturbation was nine hours and 33 minutes, won by a Japanese man in San Francisco, during the Center for Sex and Culture’s “Masturbate-a-thon” in 2009. This feat was achieved by using Tenga eggs and male masturbators. And yes, he was awarded the trophy for the male winner shaped like a penis.
In honor of May’s “Masturbation Month," and “National Masturbation Day” on May 28th, we encourage everyone to “paddle the girl in the boat," "polish the pearl/pole," and “make the gravy.” It is said that “98% of us masturbate, and the other 2% are lying.”
