Valentine's Day Confidential: Advice from Some Real Experts

Performers, sex educators, porn directors—for them, sexual activity is all in a day's work. So we asked them this question: How do you maintain a healthy sex life when sex is your job? Here are some responses from both seasoned professionals and relative newbies. Notably, we also heard from Mick Blue and Anikka Albrite, AVN's reigning Male and Female Performers of the Year, and real-life married folks.

As sex educators who are not only married but have kids, time for non-work-related sex can sometimes be hard to schedule. We test toys and theories in the bedroom quite a bit and depending on how tight our deadlines are, sometimes work has to come first. What's important for us is to differentiate between "work sex" and "personal sex." For personal time that means no trying out new toys we need to review and no outbursts during the heat of passion like, "Hey! Let's add this new move to our blow job class!" Don't get us wrong—all our sex is fun but it's also the most fulfilling when we can completely let go and enjoy the moment.
—Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg, sex educators and host/producers of Sex with Sunny Megatron on Showtime

When you have a lot of trust and communication with the other person, it helps a lot. I hope that [our relationship] inspires other couples to be more open and really encourage each other, because that's what having a relationship is about, is wanting the best for each other. And I think that's what really makes the ultimate team, is when you build each other up.
—Anikka Albrite, AVN's 2015 Female Performer of the Year

In our industry people always forget at the end of the day it's all about teamwork—teamwork on set and also teamwork in your private life. When we started our relationship, the first thing we said to each other was, "Look, let's just start with a clean slate and let's put it all out there. Let's be honest to each other, let's try to talk about everything, and let's respect each other on and off set." That's what we did from day one, and the industry in many ways brought us even closer, because we got to know each other, and the more you talk about things, the bigger the trust to each other gets, and that strengthens the relationship. Our industry has to do with sex, yes, but in the end it always comes down to the same point; the recipe for a functioning relationship and for a supporting relationship is always the same.
—Mick Blue, AVN's 2015 Male Performer of the Year

The secret to maintaining a good private sex life when one's job is sex is threefold. First, one must like the essential nature of the work, so it doesn't get on your last nerve. Second, it's useful to keep some behaviors/activities just for you and your partner, so your real self can come out and play safely. Third, it's crucial that you give your private sex life as much respect as you do your job: show up well groomed and in a mood to have a fun time. Don't leave private passion to chance."
—Nina Hartley, adult industry legend and all-around sexpert

You find the differences between the sex had at work and in your personal life, and you never let them go.
—Kayden Kross and Manuel Ferrara, performers, directors and partners

Our sexual chemistry is so strong there's nothing that can sway us from being horny around each other. If we smell each other's pheromones, it's on like donkey kong. No room for distractions.
—Ike Diezel and Cameron Dee, performers

I maintain a healthy sex life by having more sex at home than work. :-)
—Scarlet Red, 2015 Best New Starlet nominee

Sadly, with many couples, sex is not a priority. Even worse, the relationship itself is not even a priority. Work, family, obligations and other "have-tos" always seem to get in the way. At the end of the day, they wind up zapped of energy in the bedroom. Our favorite quote sums it up: "Where the attention goes, the energy flows."  Thus, we make having a healthy sex life a priority in our relationship. We put a lot of focus and energy into it and we make sure we have lots of fun!
—Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird, The Love Birds

That's an easy one for us—sex together is so precious and intimate, and Ryan performing with beautiful women doesn't take anything away from our deep love for each other. Expressions of desire and lust on camera and expressions of deep devotion toward each other may look the same, but feel different in our souls. Luckily for us, we get to perform together, just the two of us, on, which is very much like our personal sex life. Sometimes it is long and intense, and sometimes you just need a good quickie!
—Ryan and Kelly Madison, Kelly Madison Productions

My job is part of my sex life. When I'm at work, I have what's comparable to casual sex; at home, I have sex with the man I'm in love with. I don't see the two things as being mutually exclusive, and I feel fortunate to be in a place in my life where I have the luxury of enjoying both.
—Asa Akira, Wicked Pictures star

My job has allowed me to have a healthy sex life in two wonderful ways: 1) It has made me comfortable with separating sex and love into different categories. People in our industry are very comfortable with sexuality, and it's easy for me to have sex with a new friend without becoming entangled in emotions. 2) Because sex is my job, I spend time learning exploring ways to be kinky. I can have uninhibited freaky sex without worrying about what my partner will think. I can be a sub or a domme or just try something new without any inhibitions!
—Glenn King, Evil Angel director

The Good Vibrations brand is all about education, communication, and deserving pleasure as well as authenticity around becoming your true sexual self. And at the end of the day sometimes you can be really tired from running a company no matter how great it is sooooo it's important to eke out a balance especially with my wife of 22 years that it's fun to still be curious and playful and use my discount on trying out new sex toys we sell ;)
It's ironic because here we are in Valentine's week, busiest week of the year at work and we are pushing romance and hot tips and tricks and 2 of our kids got the stomach flu...we are all hoping to rally by Saturday and my plan is to escape for a few moments with her and have some laughs and intimate sweet moments to reconnect. Then it's time to be wildly inappropriate in the back of a car or get a hotel room or restaurant bathroom. We are still hot for each other so letting her know what I would like to do when I get home from work even if it doesn't happen because a child is sick and sleeping in your bed—you can put the idea out there and have fun with the anticipation and longing. ha ha.
—Jackie Rednour-Bruckman, executive vice president, Good Vibrations

Always keep talking ... good, bad or otherwise. Talking to your better half, you can learn and grow sexually in your relationship. If that doesn't work, anal is always a Valentine's favorite!
—Eric Masterson, veteran performer