Survey Says: Researchers Probe for Facts on Fantasies

Anka Radakovich's Sexplorations column ran in the May issue of AVN magazine. Find the digital edition here.

Sex surveys are more penetrating than ever, as everyone from sex researchers and universities to online porn sites are studying our sex habits, fantasies and desires. One thing these studies can say for sure is that there is always someone more “open-minded” in bed than you are.

Figure Skaters

While most women downplay the number of people they've slept with, men brag. Then exaggerate. A recent study from the University of Glasgow found that men totally exaggerated how many people they did the deed with. The massive study reinforces the prevalent cultural stereotype that men who sleep with lots of women are big heroes, while women who do the exact same thing are big ho's.

The survey questioned 15,162 men and women aged 16-74 and was titled "Why do men report more opposite sex sexual partners than women? Analysis of the gender discrepancy." (Oral sex was not counted as "having sex" so b.j.'s didn't add to one's "number.")

The study found that "In a closed population and defined time period, the mean number of opposite-sex partners reported by men and women should be equal. However, in all surveys, men report more partners." Data was taken from Britain's "National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles." Men reported a mean of 14.14 lifetime partners, while women reported 7.12. But why doesn’t the math add up?

According to the study, while men reported multiple partners, women more exactly counted the number of sex partners they had. (Women never forget.) "A female tendency to enumerate instances leads to lower estimates," said the study, "while a male tendency to approximate leads to overestimates.” Dawg. Plus, "a higher propensity among men was to include non-penetrative sex partners in their total count." Blow jobs apparently double your number.

Another reason for the exaggeration had to do with how participants "perceived gendered norms and expectations." The study concluded that "fear of social disapproval for transgressing gender norms may lead men to over report and women to under report their lifetime partners." From now on, don't even ask.

Complaint Department

Surveys don’t lie. Women want a giant penis. Australian diamond company Forktip surveyed 5,000 people "in a relationship" and found that women's preferred body part in a man is a big schlong. Second is being "athletic and fit," and third is being "tall," which explains why some men lie about their height on dating sites. I know, it’s brutal.

Men liked a "healthy body figure," which is fair enough, as well as a "big booty" and "firm breasts," which could be fueled by all the big boob and ass porn they watch.

"We wanted to understand how relationships and ‘mating rituals’ are evolving," the sex surveyors said. "And we threw in some hairy questions just for fun too. People loved answering this survey and we had 5,000 respondents in next to no time."

One of the "hairy" questions asked was "Would you participate in an orgy with your current partner?" The responses: 19.9 percent said, "Only if the other couples were hot," 56 percent said "No way," and 24.1 percent said it "would take a few drinks." If you've ever been to an orgy, all three answers would be correct.

And now for the juicy, humiliating stuff. The survey asked men what they "didn't like about their female partners." "Too loose," was the number-one answer, which could be due to either having a partner with a small peen, or the woman having given birth. (“You try pushing out a child the size of a basketball out of your vagina,” says a friend.)

"Breasts too small" was the third most popular answer, and now a fact of life as teenage girls run to get boob jobs for their high school graduation. "Lack of booty" is a new one, caused by an aesthetic change in taste for giant asses.

And what is it that women don't like about their male partners? Besides penis size, "ejaculates too quick" is a problem—and "changes position too frequently," which can keep a woman from having an orgasm just as she is about to have one.

Social Dis-Ease

A sex survey of 2,000 people taken by adult site (run by cam star Harriet Sugarcookie) says that two out of five guys at work masturbate to your social media photos. No wonder nobody is getting any work done at work.

The report states, "Whether you like to admit it or not, we now live in an age where our social media profiles can say a lot about us. That's why many of us try to present ourselves at our most attractive in our online photos. Besides potential crushes, who else looks at our social media photos? It turns out that more than 50 percent of your work colleagues will be checking out your Instagram, Twitter or Facebook. And they might be doing more than just looking."

OMG, I’m all for masturbation, just not from the creepy quiet guy sitting next to me at work, masturbating to my vacation pic on Twitter.

But wait! Just as you were thinking it’s the guys who are the biggest pervs, the survey showed that more women than men masturbate to their co-workers’ social media photos!

And finally, there is nothing wrong with fantasizing about someone. The survey ends on a positive note, explaining that even if you’re secretly a stage-5 stalker, “You're not breaking any laws by looking at public social media profiles."

Thanks to all the sex researchers out there for keepin’ it real.

Anka Radakovich is a sex columnist who wrote a column for Details magazine. She is the author of three books, including her newest, The Wild Girls Club, Part 2. She is also a certified sexologist. Follow Anka Radakovich on Twitter: @ankarad.