LOS ANGELES—“I’m desperately aware I’m not like the other kiddos,” said Amberly Rothfield, moderator of the “Neurodiversity in Porn” forum sponsored by the Free Speech Coalition this weekend. “(In porn), you put yourself out there (when) you’ve stood out your entire life.”
The webcast panel, which touched on the autism spectrum, Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD, depression, and PTSD, was filled with coping strategies, recognition, and a lot of laughs about the advantages and challenges the porn industry holds for neurodivergent individuals.
On the plus side, said Daisy Ducati, who was joined in adjacent Crowdcast windows by Hektek Desires, Cleo Clementine, and Febby Twigs, “sex work has been easier for me than the vanilla jobs I’ve had; I can make time for things that I’m hyperfixating on, or incorporating my weird hobbies into my work.”
Ducati has been diagnosed with ADHD, which she laments is denigrated as “a condition a child might have” and, with the other members of the panel, spoke about how coping with fans, clients, colleagues on porn sets, and the business structures of the industry affect neurodiverse people differently.
“The exhaustion of mentally trying to chase this goal that other people live at is so difficult,” said Cleo Clementine. “That’s why I’m the nap queen on set.”
Commenters in the webcast chimed in with support. One, Tori, wrote that (she) was “literally at the mercy of (her) mental illness.”
The porn industry has often been compared to a large, dysfunctional family—but a family nonetheless—and its lack of structure, its fluid concept of time, and its acceptance of misfits has attracted the neurodiverse long before the popularity of that term. But that doesn’t mean anything goes.
“If it seems like I’m ignoring you, it’s just that my brain isn’t functioning right,” said Febby Twigs, getting robust nods from other panelists. She has been accused of being rude and, echoing Rothfield, tries to mimic correct responses to social cues. But sometimes it still doesn’t work.
“I eat chocolate and almonds and walnuts all the time because my brain doesn’t produce dopamine,” she said. “People ask, ‘Why are you always snacking?’ I’m just trying to stay happy.”
To a person, the panelists agreed that the sex industry accommodates the neurodivergent more than their previous jobs, and say that its heightened awareness of consent is instrumental in that.
Singling out Kink.com and Girlfriends Films for being porn environments especially sensitive to performers’ needs, Twigs says good companies “ask people on set if there’s things to help you be more comfortable, (and) ask if there’s things you need to keep your eye out for.”
Rothfield cautions that, as adaptable to neurodivergent performers as the porn industry may be, that isn’t an excuse “for falling off the face of the earth” when one is depressed.
Panelists stressed being aware of cycles of depression and perhaps keeping a journal to document them, maintaining schedules and setting clear boundaries, following through as often as possible, and being accountable despite the fact that, as Clementine says, “consistency is very tough for me.”
Some panelists admitted feeling reluctant about opening up to their fans about mental illness, separating their “character” from themselves for their own emotional and financial safety. Twigs said it would be impossible not to be herself.
“I try to be as me as possible,” she says, “because that’s how I best operate.”
Regardless of the divergence in how they handle their own neurodiversity, the panelists were united that doing porn is better than working at a big-box retailer.
“If I was working at Wal-Mart it wouldn’t matter if I was neurodivergent,” Rothfield said.
“Neurodiversity in Porn” is available to view here.
