Homegrown Head Offers Sex Tape Advice to Kris Jenner

LOS ANGELES—Regarding the rumored sex tape floating around featuring Kris Jenner, Homegrown Video owner Farrell Timlake would like to offer the Kardashian matriarch some advice while also thanking the family for its dedicated mainstreaming of amateur porn to the public.

“While we at Homegrown Video are unable to offer a million dollars for the video," added Timlake, "we can offer some advice on what makes a great amateur porn."

A leading producer/distributor of amateur porn, Homegrown's Timlake is convinced that Jenner’s tape would fit snugly into one of the company’s top niches: MILF amateur porn.

“First, Kris… May I call you Kris. The world already feels like it knows you so well because of your reality TV fame, so my best advice is to be yourself and have fun,” said Timlake. “Don’t worry about whether or not Farrah Abraham delivered anal, and you didn’t.  Holding out will simply make the anal scene worth more.

“Next," he continued, "and please don’t take this the wrong way, but don’t talk too much. Focus on the action at hand, literally. You will have plenty of time to wax poetic about it when you roll out the press deluge and mine the tape for storylines on your show.”

“Finally," he concluded, "deliver the goods. Don’t hold anything back because fans of real amateur porn will always know if you are faking it. You don’t want to hurt your brand, so it must at least be believable that you truly are more concerned about your audience than your licensing deals.”

Homegrown Video said it has a phrase for a special phenomenon in amateur porn called the “Homegrown Moment.”  It refers to the moment when things get so hot and steamy the boundary between the front of the camera and the back disappears—the collapse of the so-called “forth wall."

“The horny fun spills over and everyone gets in on the action,” explained Timlake. “With a special sense of pride, we take this moment to acknowledge and applaud Kris Jenner for enjoying her own Homegrown Moment.”

In 2012, reports began to surface regarding Kris Jenner’s involvement in her daughter Kim Kardashian’s own sex tape. According to celebrity gossip sites like Star Magazine, RadarOnline.com and DailyMail.co.uk, Jenner brokered the deal between Kim and Vivid Entertainment for a hefty fee.

“I hope you find the advice helpful,” says Timlake. “If your other offer falls through, I hope you will grant Homegrown Video right of first refusal on the video. If it makes a difference, we are happy to admit we always thought you were the hottest of the Kardashian bunch.”

All amateurs, including Kris Jenner, are invited to submit their homemade adult movies to Homegrown Video here.

Photo: Farrell Timlake and Kris Jenner.