Hard Evidence: Be Your Own Sex Detect(ive)

If you think your girlfriend or wife is cheating on you, but you don't want to go to the expense of hiring a private detective or following her yourself (or torturing her), now there's Sex Detect (www.sexdetect.com).

"It's NEVER TOO LATE to find out the truth!" screams the company Website. "Don't be the last to know!" I should say not.

What exactly is Sex Detect?

"It's a real thing," says Roger, the man who envisioned and markets the product. "It's an actual kit that will detect semen in your girlfriend or wife's underwear.

"It detects a certain enzyme that's carried in the semen," he clarifies, "so if someone does have sex with your girlfriend, that enzyme will stay in there for about three days, even if she takes a shower, so you can still detect it." But what about my semen? "You don't want to detect your own semen," he explains, "because it can't differentiate yours from someone else's; but you're pretty safe at about four to five days that it won't be yours."

So the enzyme becomes undetectable by this method after about four days? "Correct," says Roger. "You can't have sex with them for about four days, so if you're out of town a lot, or she's out of town, or if you've noticed that she isn't sexually interested in you, it's a way of testing to see if she's having an affair. The only way it won't be detected is if the female washes her underwear."

How in God's name does someone come up with the idea for something like this? "We were looking for a product that would attract both adult and mainstream traffic," says Roger. "We noticed how Viagra and the penis enlarger products performed, and we wanted something that coincided with that. We were also looking for something that was an actual shippable product, something that might work to lower our chargeback levels."

Roger insists that not only does Sex Detect work, but it has some serious uses as well. "I could come out with a million different ideas that feed off people's insecurities," he says, "but the product should work. Sex Detect is something that can be marketed to jealous boyfriends or husbands, but it's also a product that parents can use to see if their daughters are having unprotected sex. And it can also be used for self-protection, so that you don't catch something from someone you're dating."

So how do you market something like this? "We're getting the word out through message boards, Webmaster portals, and through our Webmaster newsletter," says Roger, "which pretty much includes everyone who's been in the industry over the past five years. We're also looking into advertising in the male magazines like Maxim, as well as Christian-type booklets." Of course; the old sex-and-religion marketing angle.

And who will be interested in purchasing it? "Someone who is having problems with their sex drive, or feeling insecure about their penis size," says Roger. "Maybe they're also feeling like their girlfriend might be cheating on them." He adds, "We have a partnership with [herbal Viagra product] HerbalO [profiled Jan. 2002 - Ed.] for marketing purposes." Like soup and sandwiches.

Sex Detect also offers an affiliate program to go along with the product. "It's a click-through affiliate program where we'll pay out $10 per sale," says Roger. "The actual product is $34.95; you buy one and get one free, with each kit able to do two tests. Right now, we're only selling one or two kits at a time. Buy one and get one free or buy two and get two free."

Roger says they also plan to market to the gay community. "We just haven't written the text directed at the gay community yet," he says, "but we will definitely be targeting that market."

Naturally, Roger wants the world to see the serious benefits of an underwear swabbing kit that detects unauthorized semen, and he certainly does not want to create the impression that it is a foolproof test of anyone's guilt. "There is always room for error with the test," he says, "and we have disclaimers. Obviously, you have to be sure that you don't use it the day you have sex with your girlfriend or wife. But we might also help them to be more aware, and even protect them from catching a sexual disease. And that's the idea that we're pushing for parents. Find out if your children are having unprotected sex, and then sit them down and talk to them."

Time will certainly tell. "I would like to give it at least a year to catch on," says Roger. "It needs to become branded. Right now, it's such a new product that people don't know what it is. I think people need to see a new product a few times, to notice it and become more familiar with it, before they purchase it. We're also going to be coming out with some other mainstream products for parents that are similar to this one. Drug test kit products."

Anyone detect a pattern?