Betty White as Host of the AVN Awards? Not a Bad Idea…

CHATSWORTH, Calif.—Betty White, the Golden Girl of Saturday Night Live, didn’t just help improve the show’s ratings last week to its highest in a year, and she didn’t just make 80-somethings the coolest demographic in the country—no, the beloved star of little screen (and big screen) has also spawned renewed and intense interest in what comes next for the actress whose theatrical debut was in 1939, which means her show business career has spanned nine decades. 

As if that remarkable achievement alone is not worthy of a standing ovation—which Betty received at the beginning of her monologue Saturday night, the first standing ovation given to an SNL host in its 35-year history—media outlets are falling all over themselves speculating about What’s Next for the irrepressible potty-mouthed octogenarian.

USA Today reports there’s been talk about Betty kicking up her heels on Dancing With the Stars. Newsday thinks she should run for president of these United States (Well? Why not, they ask.) And the NY Daily News reports on the new Facebook page on which over 20,000 people have already said they “like” the idea of Betty hosting the Oscars.

Great ideas, all, but had an idea that really got the crew around here excited. In her Tuesday TVLine column, Julie Miller writes that all of the ideas percolating out there are fine and dandy, “but what Betty’s Facebook foot soldiers don’t understand is that her charisma, naughty one-liners and white-hot fan appeal could better energize some of the industry’s other tired award shows. Here are Movieline’s five pitches.”

First on the list? That’s right, The AVN Awards Show.

“Betty is known for balancing the sweetness of your favorite grandmother with the raunchy humor of your least favorite uncle, and those chops will serve her well as she delivers bon mots to a crowd of adult film stars in Las Vegas,” wrote Miller, who then suggested a Sample Patter for the intended audience: “I feel a little uncomfortable here, but I can’t be totally modest about my history in adult film. I was still an unknown actress until Woodrow Wilson and I made that sex zoetrope.” (ba-dum)

Other awards that could benefit from Betty’s notorious wit include the NAACP Image Awards, the Teen Choice Awards, the Country Music Awards and the Nobel Prize Awards Ceremonies.

A quick survey of the office resulted in a big thumbs up for the idea of allowing Betty White to breathe some youthful exuberance into the “tired” AVNs.

Now I have to go pick up my last paycheck.