Sometimes the absolute stupidity of the porn industry depresses me, but I always try to keep in mind that the alternative-working a straight job-is way worse.
When I was in my early 20s, I did temp work for a year or two. I got to see a lot of different "mainstream" working environments. A migrant farm-worker of the corporate world, I'd show up at some random office building with a thrift-store tie around my neck, slouch into the elevator and head for the Hospital accounts payable department or the Insurance Claims Adjustment Office or whatever gray-walled cubicle farm needed a word processor.
The jobs were low-level, repetitive monkey work, but I didn't mind. I'd sit at my workstation and pull records from microfiche machines or type letters and file or whatever. Low expectations can be pretty relaxing.
Inevitably, no matter how brief the assignment, some corporate lifer would say to me: "This is a crazy office; you never know what will happen at this crazy place!"
It was a lie. In my two years of off-and-on temping in the "mainstream" world, I never saw anything crazy happen. Ever. The closest thing to the unexpected in a "real" office is the self-described "wacky" guy decorating his cube with Star Wars figures or a sign reading, "I've got to get organizized." In truth, other than an occasional break room birthday party (and I'm really stretching the definition of the word "party" here) the mainstream office people worked (or pretended to work), and then everyone went home.
I was dying for someplace where something-anything-crazy might happen.
I found it. My temp agent called one day and apologetically asked if I'd like to be an Editorial Assistant at Hustler magazine for a couple of weeks. They'd called a few other temps first, but those cowards were uncomfortable with the idea. I couldn't say "hell, yes" fast enough.
On my first day working at the Flynt building, Hustler Erotic Video Guide Editor Mike Albo beat the shit out of an Internet gossip columnist on La Cienega Boulevard. I didn't know what they were fighting about, and the fracas was more Three Stooges slapstick than Thrilla in Manila, but I was hooked. Where else would two guys who write about pornography for a living get so worked up over the sex video business that they'd come to blows in the middle of Beverly Hills? Sealing the deal: later the Internet guy published an article on his website that read, "I acknowledge that [Albo] bitch-slapped me a couple of times Wednesday because I am a little bitch and a pussy and I deserved it."
Front row seats to this kind of volatility, misplaced passion and sheer stupidity were a lot more exciting to me than a bunch of Accounts Payable biddies nattering about their grandchildren. Besides, Larry Flynt was a much more stylish boss than whoever heads up the insurance companies I had been working for. Flynt built an empire and plopped it in the middle of Beverly Hills; he owns a lair, a gold wheelchair, his own Casino and a private jet. All the dude needs is a Persian cat, a deathray and an army of atomic robots and he's Blofeld.
I've been here in adult ever since, and while I'm sometimes desperate to escape to mainstream-especially at funerals, family reunions, and other square events-I think I'll stick around awhile. Sure, the porn industry is comprised largely of volatile simpletons and hopeless cases, but at least ridiculous things happen here occasionally to keep me amused. Another plus: Office politics in porn are a lot more interesting than mainstream political machinations. In the "real" world, people are smart or sane enough to play their cards close to their vests and actually try and keep their true motivations hidden from their enemies. Here in porn, every last little detail of people's pointless personal vendettas and peccadilloes are common knowledge, and in case you miss them, you can read all about it on a million websites.
Of course, all the pettiness and pointless viciousness of porn would get old really fast if that was all there was. Thankfully, a handful of interesting, intelligent people are toiling right alongside the legions of halfwits and cretins, providing a kind of balance. The good people in adult are fascinating; folks who are just a little too eccentric (or too smart) to buckle down and get real jobs. When you add the chance to see a lot of naked ladies to the mix, porn beats mainstream without much of a contest... and you don't have to wear a tie, either.
