HOLLYWOOD, Calif.—After coming across yet another mainstream article about yet another porn parody of a mainstream hit—something that is now happening to me several times a day as the intersection between adult and mainstream becomes a veritable parking lot—I have come to the realization that a very real expectation is being created among the celebrity elite: Will my show be the next XXX parody... please?
I am of course speculating about all of this, but it is simply impossible for me to believe that the producers (and marketers!) of these shows are not delighted with the extra attention given them when their parodies—and I think we can say that, in a sense, they are their parodies—make waves on the airwaves and in cyberspace.
What is kind of brilliant about the whole thing is the fact that these mainstream shows and the actors on them now get to rub shoulders with the porn industry without any actual rubbing. That’s why I call them the new celebrity-safe sex tapes for safe-sex celebrities.
Indeed, one almost feels sorry for the shows that don’t get parodied; they're sort of like the kooky family that doesn’t rate its own reality show (balloons notwithstanding). Americans want everyone to win, and that goes for XXX parodies as well.
But the ironies multiply. Porn itself seemed mired in its own boring reality trend, but in mining the parody field it has exposed its real purpose in life: to save Hollywood! The XXX parody game isn’t just about selling porn DVDs anymore. It does as much to help an ailing Hollywood (and its actors) that itself is under assault from reality programming.
So, to recap, XXX parodies serve three main functions in society today, maybe more:
- They make money for porn producers, performers and distributors.
- They provide a safe way for Hollywood actors to “appear” in porn.
- They give a new sort of legitimacy to Hollywood’s flagging products.
Now, I know that there are many people in the adult industry who have ambivalent feelings about these parodies. They say the work is beneath the industry’s standards for creativity and originality. We’ve been parodying straight society for decades, they would say. Where else would porn get its ideas but from the mainstream, where we live the other half of our lives?
And they are, of course, correct. The skewering—as well as screwing—of mainstream pretension has always been one of the actual delights of commercial pornography. But like everything else in our post-9/11/Katrina/Internet world, those days are long gone. Today’s porn parodies are meant to walk hand-in-hand with their mainstream counterparts, as co-equals in a world in which celebrity, actor, performer and porn star are essentially and almost immutably the same thing.
So do not fret, hot Hollywood starlet or hunk. You may never professionally fuck on camera, but that doesn't mean you will never be ready for your porn parody close-up. While it's up to you (and fate) to ultimately determine if you have what it takes to achieve that milestone, be assured of one thing...
Porn is here to save the day.
