Quasarman: "Oh my God, Ron Jeremy's naked and he's got a rash!"
If it's Thursday it must be blow job day in Mexico, and one asks where is Skeeter Kerkove, professional pool man, when you need him? There is so much cocksucking and splooging going on in the pool, that even the sewers of Paris would have a tough time, indeed, cleansing the water from the foreign organisms that have collected in it over the week.
Skeeter Kerkove plants a baster filled with water up Bridgett's snatch which allows her to squirt full throttle for one of her squirt machine scenes.
In another part of the pool, Tice Bune and Curious make love, and Barry Wood, using an underwater camera, is particularly cognizant to catch the trail of Tice's floating ejaculate, which, to tell the truth resembles baby sea monkeys. Proud as all get out, Wood shows Tice's underwater pop shot to practically anyone willing to take a gander.
Somewhere out on the beach, Barret Moore shoots a blowjob fantasy scene with Smally Paulie under a cabana. Moore says stories have been getting back to her that Jason, whom she deflowered most graciously, has been "an ungrateful little fuck". If truth be told, Jason's been acting rather cocky about the whole affair, and Moore says she's considering telling Howard Stern the FULL story about what happened, including the Viagra.
Just before Paulie and Barret get underway, an anal scene featuring RayVeness and Tod is shot on top of a horse. Cameraman Jake Jacobs reports that RayVeness and Tod Alexander did two positions on the horse.
G. Ross: "Was it side SADDLE?"
Jacobs: "It was reverse cowgirl and doggie."
G. Ross: "How did the horse react to all this?"
Jacobs: "There was only a couple of times that the horse felt uncomfortable with the positions, and he wanted to transition for everybody. It was a little on the wild side, but they hung on. They made it without falling off the horse. We put the horse back in its place."
G. Ross: "So this is like a professional horse?"
Jacobs: "It is."
G. Ross: "This horse has done scenes before?"
Jacobs: "He did last year."
Jacobs signals that it's time for Paulie to get his bishop canonized. But the only problem with dropping trou oceanfront is that you don't know whether the resultant smell is coming off dead fish or yourself. Odors notwithstanding, Moore, who has a Cupid tattoed on her resilient ass, goes to work on his cock, and New York bus driver Paulie assumes a facial expression as though he's just seen the ghost of Ralph Kramden. A crowd quickly gathers, but, as in the case of Jason, Moore sucks Paulie heartily but to no avail. Paulie takes over the manual chores.
On at least two occasions in Mexico, now, Moore's partners have taken situation in hand and she looks a trifle annoyed about the developments. You know how women are always convincing one another that it takes one woman to lick another's clit? As weird as the logic extends, I was tempted to suggest to Moore that she start pinching Paulie's balls, but what do I know.
After various experimentations, Moore finally hits pay dirt and Paulie yells like Scott Preston's tuna boats have just come in. I asked Paulie what did the trick. Did he close his eyes and imagine Brick Majors' manly workout ass? Paulie busts out laughing.
"I was blessed to have Barret Moore do the blowjob fantasy," Paulie says afterwards resuming political correctness. "I've been a fan of hers since the beginning of this year. I saw her do stuff with Matt Zane. I thought she was really hot. She has a fantastic body; one of the prettiest faces I've seen in this business."
G. Ross: "You already got the blowjob, you don't have to keep with the schmooze."
Paulie: "I think it was an honor and a pleasure to have her do the scene with me."
G. Ross: "It beats having Ron Jeremy on the business end of your cock."
I'm about blowjobbed out for the afternoon when Quasarman asks if I would like to cover the scene with Tod [the former Dizzy Blond], Caroline Pierce and Monique. A quick glance in Herschel Savage's direction and the atomic glow of Hersch's sweaty island tan convinces Quasarman that Savage should be officially proclaimed African-American. We offer competing suggestions for Savage's new name: O.J. Savage, Rafer Savage, Sammy Davis Savage, Muhammed Savage, Louis Farakhan Savage, The Rev. Herschel Jackson Savage. The list is endless.
Though Dizzy/Tod sports a pretty hefty tool that seems well adept at taking care of itself in combat situations, the combination of Monique's Chuck Martino-like choppers and Pierce's tongue jewelry present a potentially lethal one-two punch for any sized pecker. Though it wasn't obvious from where I stood, Quasarman also pointed out that there was lots of nostril pinching going on in this scene. "It tends to induce auto-asphyxiation," Quasarman explains professorially.
You don't necessarily get the impression that academics is first and foremost in her mind, as Alexandra Silk produces a set of short-shorts for pictures which she's about to take for a photographer/guest.
A sweetheart of a woman, Silk strikes you as being long on sexuality and always short of breath with a tendency to whisper conspiratorially. She said she was having a great time in a way like it was a deep, dark secret. "I really am. I'm enjoying this very much," she says. "It's good people, good energy. I hope I can come back next year."
Silk, who's been in the business four years, tends to talk about her work in ways kids talk about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. "I've been having nothing but fun. I really have. This is Paradise."
Silk describes herself as an "independent" performer. "I've been offered contracts, but I can't accept them because they limit me," she says. "I've always been independent and free and I like to remain that way." Silk says that she's always been a fan of porno and managed to talk to Jenna Jameson about it before coming into the industry. "I asked her questions and she said that was an avenue to try, so that's what I did." Silk roomed with Love Lee until she got sent home the middle of the week, the result of a jet ski accident. "She got a boo-boo, but she'll be okay," Silk observed.
With the absence of Love Lee, Silk got re-assigned Houston when the 500-one flew in later in the week to do the Buried Alive Bukkake. "She's crazy," Silk observed. "She's a good/bad girl. We gave it to this one guy who's always causing trouble. We call him 'trouble-man' because he's always grabbing and touching. We gave him a good spanking."
The poet Robert Burns might have had the Mexican trip in mind when he talked about the best laid plans of Mice and Men usually going to hell. During the course of another conversation, Quasarman explains that the original intention of the Mexican trip was to shoot a Fantasy Island movie. Director James Avalon even had a midget set up for it.
"He [Avalon] put his crew together and what he was going to need in terms of equipment which included like a porta-jib, a dolly, a track and 40 mags of film," Quasarman said. "In the end we couldn't even get the lube and the douches through customs. You think we were really going to get the film stock and everything else through? We decided to scale it down and make little scenarios. Fantasy-gonzo is what it's become. And Jim's very unhappy because, as you know, he's an award-winning filmmaker, not a schlepping gonzo-maker like myself. So now I'm going to make fun of him for the rest of the year. He may not even put his name on the product. He doesn't want to tarnish the James Avalon luster."
G. Ross: "That's okay. By the time I'm finished writing this piece, he'll be needing Brasso to find his name."
[I feel honored. I've just cracked up Quasarman with this comment.]
It was about this time, that all hell broke loose in the swimming pool. Ron Jeremy announced a Mocha blowjob scene and that anyone with a test was welcome to join in. "Mocha's going to put lipstick on your dipstick," Jeremy announced.
"I passed my auto-emissions test, does that qualify me?" I asked Quasarman. Meanwhile, Mocha's internal enthusiasm doesn't quite match up, externally. "It looks like she got fired from her job at Starbucks," Quasarman notes.
Michael Adams takes Quasarman aside to tell him that the Herschel Savage controversy is flaring up again. It's about a Mocha blowjob scene with Savage and the insinuation that Mocha would rather be skinned alive or something to that effect. Adams exhorts Quasarman to find a girl, any girl, who will blow Herschel. Quaserman describes Savage as "prince of pretense".
The contest that Jeremy announced is about to begin, and Raquel Devine's earlier comments about Jabba the Hut's body configuration holds true. I remark to Quasarman that it appears, judging from the texture of his abdominal wall, as though Jabba had accidentally swallowed a bag of baseballs at Dodger Stadium. I crack up Quase a second time.
Eligible cock begins positioning itself on the pool ledge. Houston, who flew in the previous night, joins in the contest - quite unexpectedly from Metro's standpoint. Houston starts working her way down the pool blowing every guy in sight, tactfully working her way around certain guys, however. The chosen ones, at will, offer their pricks for suckle - a scene unparalleled in the history of impromptu adult entertainment.
For reasons contradictory to the international rules of cocksucking, both Jeremy and Mark Davis take turns military pressing young ladies, Davis lifting McKayla, Jeremy doing Mila. Jeremy's strained technique would certainly boot him out of the Olympics qualifying round. But Davis isn't a heckuva lot better. Then, again, he's supposed to have a pulled groin muscle. Which doesn't appear to bother him because he now takes a crack at Houston and eases her into the air like a 10-pound barbell.
Not to be outdone, Jeremy hoists Tina Cherry overhead and works himself into a circle dance, much in the same manner the gorilla performed with Terry Moore in the original Mighty Joe Young. That observation cracks up Quase a third time.
The blowjob/j.o. contest quickly devolved into a Houston ass-eating competition. When I casually remarked to Quaserman that this tawdry exhibition was cheapening the concept of bukkake, the laugh paramedics had to cart Quaserman away on a stretcher.
