Nobody really knows what other people do when they’re finally on their own. We can only guess at what other consenting adults get up to when they get it on. We know what we may or may not do with our own sexual partners—and if those partners are numerous and promiscuous, we might gain a generalized impression of which tricks are hot and which are not. Beyond that, all information on the sexual menus of other people is confessional, anecdotal or just plain boasting.
Scholarly observation is impossible. Any couple (or more) who invites even a dedicated student of human behavior into their bedroom, playroom or whatever becomes, by definition, exhibitionistic. The threesome (or more) becomes a voyeuristic experience—fun, but hardly serious research. The one great—and constantly growing—database of what might be possible in the realm of recreational bodily contact has to be porn. Whether we like it or not, porn provides the inside information and professional tips on what to do when the missionary position gets boring.
Stories of partners who take porn to bed with them for ideas and information have abounded for as long as there’s been porn for the masses. Being blessed with a sufficiently deviant imagination, I’ve never done this myself, but I totally believe it happens. I suspect, though, that a much larger percentage of the population watches porn solo, picking up moves that, at some later time, a partner is tentatively requested to replicate. (Sex is always a self-revealing endeavor.)
Porn’s impact on the real world can’t be plausibly denied. Entire industries have been built around the ways in which mainstream movies and TV shows influence our tastes and attitudes, the clothes we wear, the products we consume. Even the way we speak is modified by catch phrases straight out of Hollywood dialogue. Porn can’t be the exception, and ideas spawned in the industry must find their way into the erotic fun of consumers. One might even boast that porn provides the real sex education in popular culture, and it also is a comprehensive reflection of what’s really going on between the sheets.
We have more than enough indications that this is the case. The fashion industry regularly turns to glamour and fetish for ideas and inspiration. Pubic hair of both genders is now routinely shaved, porn star style. The sniggering when conservative tax protesters called themselves “tea-baggers” revealed how everyone knew the terminology. On another level, Bettie Page’s haircut still survives in chic bars and clubs long after Bettie’s passing. Those dark bangs endure because they attract attention, with subtle hints of heels, stockings and a crop.
Indeed, kink is now so blatantly above ground it’s hard to miss. Even in these tough times, the sex accessory business is booming. Whether this is directly influenced by porn or the folks at home just growing tired of improvising with items from Home Depot is anyone’s guess, but someone is buying those cuffs and corsets, and supposedly putting them to good use. Young Republicans are caught in Voyeur, the Los Angeles lesbian-bondage theme club. And even the born-again are in on the act. A slew of websites now promote spanking as a Christian family value, what they call “CDD” (Christian domestic discipline). “A wife must be disciplined by her husband if she is going to be able to exercise her Christian calling.” The message is as laciviously plain as the philosophy is odious.
So is porn a catalogue, not only of idealized sexual fantasy but also of what actually goes on in the private lives of lovers in our fair land and beyond? It may just be exactly that, plus a marketplace of erotic concepts for all who want to use them.
On the other hand, I have a sneaking feeling that, if we really could look into the lives of supposedly average Americans, we might well discover what Dr. Alfred Kinsey found when, in the 1950s, he conducted his extensive investigations in male and female sexuality. Real life will prove wilder and more convoluted than any porn fantasy. Human beings never cease to surprise.
Mick Farren blogs at Doc40.blogspot.com.
This article originally ran in the May 2010 issue of AVN.
