Oh my aching anus. In honor of Anal Thursday, we decided to check out Tom Byron's Planet of the Gapes 3, a killer study in ass-parting relentlessness, which features Anjelica Sin, Vivian Valentine, Charlie Angel, Bridgett Kerkove and Kristi Myst. With a heart-stopping, ass-breaching lineup like that, it's a wonder you can make it to Friday.
Resuscitators and oxygen tents notwithstanding, Gapes 3 offers what might be considered a prenom-worthy tryst that finds Luciano buttfucking Charlie Angel in a style worthy of Norman Bates. It starts off properly enough with Charlie milking Luciano's dick like an udder at a cheeky 4H competition. But once aroused, Looch goes on the attack and works Charlie's ass in a manner suggesting he's studied under the great serial buttocks fondlers of history. If Charlie had trouble shitting after this scene, it must have been the concrete and cheese diet, because there's no way the woman walks even remotely normal after this one. The fact that Looch gives it to Charlie alternately between ass and mouth in the finishing frames only scores bonus points.
In her scene with Marc Davis, Angelica Sin looks spectacularly gorgeous, radiant and lusty but derives little use from her "A.R.T." - [anal readiness toy]. That's because Davis starts launching loogie grenades in her shit basket from the get-go and war's declared on all fronts. Subtle as the move is, Anjelica raises the temperature in the room at least another 20 degrees, by stretch-assisting her ass at every turn and angle of the camera, thus prompting the gods of anal to bestow rave reviews from above.
In his interview with Vivian Valentine, Byron asks Viv if the viewer can expect a large circumference. Can you spell hula hoop? Tommy rolls Viv into a ball - then munches, fingers, and produces a fissure equal to a Siberian crater as he commences a series of parry & thrust maneuvers on her crevasse worthy of a Borgian swordsman. Byron, in another scene, tells Bridgett Kerkove he's heard that she does amazing things with her asshole. But, since no chopsticks are around, we settle for a conventional buttfuck which, from casual observation, suggests that Byron's balls have developed geological formations similar to an aerial view of the Continental Divide but doesn't exclude the fact that Byron has Kerkove practically eating her kneecaps. In the finale, male performer of the year Lexington Steele's either breathlessly excited over the prospect of nailing Kristi Myst in the ass, or is on something that's spelled with 15 letters. Either way, when Kristi turns side saddle, she's got a look on her face similar to a heroine in a Roger Corman sea serpent movie.
