On the Set: 'Not Jersey Boys XXX'

LOS ANGELES—AVN was recently invited to the set of producer/director/writer/musician Will Ryder's latest foray into mainstream parody, and we can happily report that it's shaping up to be possibly his best work yet.

Don't want to take our word for it? Check out the teaser on YouTube, which Will Ryder has just posted to whet fans' appetites for the movie's planned September 30 release.

But on the set that day he was still wrestling with the title. "We think it's going to be titled Not Jersey Boys XXX and All Their Girls; that's what we think the title's going to be, because Not Jersey Boys XXX by itself sounds like a gay movie, right?" Ryder asked. "So we don't want that. But it's a great thing. I love music. I love Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, the whole history, and I went to my business partner Scott and said, ‘This is the movie we should be making,’ and that's what we're doing, and I couldn't be happier. It's a full musical with full instrumentation and it's beautiful, and I'm excited."

He's not kidding. The script traces the origins of ’60s singing group as they rise, with the help of mobsters and loan sharks, from near obscurity in New Jersey to creating a string of chart-topping hits thanks to Frankie's “super tight pants,” which give him his famous falsetto voice, and morphing haircuts to match, going from clean-cut preppy look suitable for album covers to the grungy hippie look of the '70s.

AVN was on hand to see the actors—Tommy Pistol (Frankie Valli), Chad Diamond (Tommy DeVito), Eric John (Bob Gaudio), Chad White (Nick Massie) and Kurt Lockwood (as an unnamed drummer)—lip-synching the parody song "Who Dates a Jersey Lady?”—and the lyrics are hilarious: "Who dates a Jersey lady?/When she complains all through the night/Who wants a Jersey mama?/Someone who's looking for a fight."

Perhaps even funnier is the parody of the group's top hit, "Sherry," which in Ryder's hands becomes "Hairy": "Hair-ee, hairy baby/Hair-ee, hairy baby ... Hairy, can you trim it tonight?/(Chorus) Trim, trim ... Shave it toni-i-i-ight." Other song titles include "Fuck Like a Man," "Big Tits Don't Lie," "She's Really Tight" and "You're Just Too Good to Be Screwed."

The "hairy baby" of the song is "Hairy Sherry," a New Jersey mob boss’s daughter whose bush is reputed to exceed that of any ’80s porn star, and that boss, played by Ryder’s friend, director Roy Karch, is intent on having Tommy Pistol’s character fuck her in order to seal the deal the Four Season have made with the mob to help them escape massive debts run up by one of the band members.

Hairy Sherry is played by blonde-ish newcomer Bailey Bae, and as the scene opens, Pistol sits on the bed with Bae, who's wearing white short-shorts and a small tube top, and the pair begins kissing, with Pistol fondling and licking some boobage in the clinch. Bae then kneels in front of him for the b.j., and Pistol soon returns the favor, laying her across the bed and applying his tongue. Mish follows, then doggie, with Bae's facial expressions showing that she's loving every moment of it. Apparently tired of being the receiver of Pistol's favors, Bae pushes him back and climbs aboard for reverse cowgirl, but before long, the pair is again in missionary position, followed by more doggie, then a few minutes of spoon before Bae quickly kneels at Pistol's feet to receive a large dose of his goo on her tongue and cheeks.

Others in the cast include Lucky Star (who also handled cue-card duties during the songs), Ryder Skye, Zoey Monroe, Carmen Caliente, Anya Ivy and Mila Blaze—as well as the recently returned Sunny Lane, who told us, "I'm back in action and happy to be. You know me: I share myself with everybody around the world, from the Bunny Ranch to the adult world to the mainstream world to my website, SunnyLaneLive.com. This is truly my comeback. I'm really happy tonight. It was nice to take a little break, a little hiatus for myself, and I've come back even wiser and fresher, and I think I look even younger somehow.”

While Ryder, at press time, did not have a distribution deal for the parody, he nonetheless plans to have it in stores in time for consideration for the 2015 AVN Awards Show—and frankly, it's unbelievable that some major studio won't lock onto this surefire hit.