K9 Fuckers Land in the Doghouse

PORTLAND, Ore. - Dogs. They can be taught to sit, beg, and fetch the morning paper. Some are even trained to lead the blind, chase down criminals, and dig people out of avalanches. But, what good is man's best friend if he can't get you through those long and lonely Oregon nights?

Steven Baker, 54, and Kim Baalbergen, 50, from Klamath Falls were sentence to 60 days in jail for allowing their German shepherd, Max, to bury its bone deep inside their assholes. According to prosecutor Cole Chase, the case marks the first time in Oregon's history where someone was fully prosecuted under its animal abuse laws.

Reports state that Baalbergen performed oral sex on the canine and received oral, vaginal, and anal sex. Baker just took it in the ass.

The couple also videotaped their puppy love for profit, earning $12,000 for three tapes sold to an Amsterdam company. "Their friends in another jurisdiction run a Web site that includes bestiality and said ‘Hey, you guys can make some money doing this, and it's great fun too,'" explained Chase.

In addition to the 60 days, Baker and Baalbergen were sentenced to perform 40 hours of community service, and are not allowed to own a pooch during their two years on probation.

But, it was Max, the dog, who got the short end of the stick. The German shepherd was ordered to be put down; as Chase said, "because of the way it was taught to interact with people, it couldn't be placed in another home."