Truth is I have never seen an episode of Seymore Butts' popular reality show, Family Business. I understand it's very good, but I don't get Showtime, where the second season debuts Jan. 30, and ever since I caught 10 minutes of that debacle Newlyweds on MTV, I vowed to never watch reality TV again. Still, when I heard Seymore, the Showtime gang, and hot girls were going to be shooting an episode at Video Secrets , I decided it was in my best interest to attend. I should point out that had there only been Seymore and the Showtime gang but no hot girls, I probably wouldn't have gone.
Yes, I'm just that predictable.
So there I am standing next to Nikki Nova, naked. Not me, I'm not naked, but she is and she looks great. I'd like to be naked with Nikki Nova but that's not relevant here. A few feet away Belladonna was changing into a most-delicious pair of panties and bra, not too mention the trendy Eskimo boots. So far, I was digging this 'reality.'
The two adult stars, along with contortionist extraordinaire Alexis Fire, who I also saw naked, and Marie Possa, who I really wanted to see naked but did not, were there to take part (and when I say 'take part' I mean dance naked) in a telethon to promote Seymore's Operation: Free Speech.
Joining the babes were Family Business favorites Herschel Savage and Cousin Stevie, on hand to perform stand-up comedy and magic, respectively. Speaking of magic, The Shakespeare of Magic, David Groves, was there as well to oversee the magical goings on. He showed me a cool card trick.
Standing next to the buffet table, I had a chance to speak with Seymore who was headed to London the next day for the UK Erotica show.
Excerpt:
Me: What can we expect from season 2?
Seymore: Everybody seemed to really connect with the show so we wanted to maybe expand the storylines with people who are peripherally involved a little more. More with Stevie, we see his wife more, and we get to meet Marie Possa.
Me: What is Operation Free Speech?
Seymore: An obscenity prosecution emergency relief fund. No lobbying, no executive directors. Basically, I want to be able to help... when I got hit, the organization that I thought was going to be there for me wasn't. There were no other organizations for me to turn to. A few individuals, who, some of them had no business even worrying about me, but yet they did... those people came through. Those people know who they are, and I thank them. However, the people I thought would come through, the organization I thought would come through for me didn't and that was a very frustrating thing for me, and in my mind the best thing I can do in a small way is to be able to use what I have at my fingertips personally, my powers, my advantages I have in order to try to raise money, put it away in a trust fund and wait until there's someone out there being hit for one of these ridiculous obscenity prosecutions and help them out. At least that's the way it all figures out in my head. That's the vision.
Me: Have you seen the Paris Hilton sex tape?
Seymore: No, but I'm curious to. I mean, I was offered, before the people that distributed the Pam and Tommy Lee tape, I was offered that tape to distribute. I turned it down because to me it was an invasion of privacy. I didn't feel good about it. And I have a feeling this is gonna be the same type of feeling when I watch it: somebody doing something that's not wanting me, or never meant for me, to watch it. But maybe in the back of my mind that's a little exciting. But she doesn't do anything for me.
After my t�te-�-t�te with Seymore, I took the opportunity to chat up Belladonna, now my latest crush.
Excerpt:
Me: Do you think I need to shave?
Belladonna: No, I like beards.
Me: Why are you here today?
Belladonna: I was invited to do a little dance show and solo masturbation.
Me: Have you seen Family Business?
Belladonna: I was on the first one, and I still haven't seen that. I travel so much that I don't get a chance to see them.
Me: What are you up to these days?
Belladonna: Shooting my own series for Evil Angel, it's a girl-girl series, and I started a new Website, which is a free site for now. I'm trying to apologize to my fans because with the last site I wasn't involved because the people involved I really didn't trust. And I'm traveling doing signings, feature dancing, and I'll be shooting a new movie in the Dominican Republican at the end of the month for Harmony Pictures. I'm really just trying to focus on my career right now and bust my ass and then in three or four years just walk away.
Me: Can I walk away with you?
Belladonna: For me, personally, I think there is only so much I can bring to this industry, and I think I have pretty much done half of it already, and with the other half I want to do... maybe directing and bringing something to girl-girl sex they don't have much of. After that's done, and I've accomplished that, then I think that would be time for me to walk away. It's a great industry to be in and I think there's always a chance I will have my foot in the door, but I would like to do something totally different.
After a quick Power Bar, I went into the bathroom to hang out with Marie Possa who was blow-drying her hair. I told her that her bra looked nice. Possa found my comment humorous considering her brand new boobs were staring me in the face. Her new 'full Cs' looked scrumptious though she told she wanted them bigger.
Next thing I know I'm hanging with Nikki Nova in the hallway. She was dressed in a most reveling Pocahontas getup. She let me touch her tummy.
Excerpt:
Me: Do you watch a lot of reality TV?
Nikki Nova: I've become addicted to all the really bad reality shows on MTV, like Newlyweds. I used to watch intelligent TV, I still do... even it out with the Travel Channel and Discovery, but I gotta say I watch Puff Daddy's Making the Band and all that stuff. I leave my TV on 24/7, I never watch it, but I have it on for noise. I'm addicted.
Me: Anything coming up?
Nikki Nova: Besides the Playboy show [Night Calls], I'm starting a new site, which will be out by February. My site now is pretty much your typical nude model site, and I wanted to do something edgier and different. In my opinion the best photographer out there is Lisa Boyle, and she's one of my partners, so we wanted to do something edgy, to take the sexiness of a Maxim or Stuff with the nudity of Penthouse-style but make it really artistic and just trippy and out there. But it's going to be very reality-based. When I go to a shoot the cameras will be rolling. It'll be NikkiNova.net. And I have a couple of B movies coming out. One of them is Busty Cops, and it's a spoof on Charlie's Angels. The other is The Legacy, which is like a college-sorority slasher movie where I am one of the killers. I'm the bitch in the whole thing. So that was fun.
As if hanging out with Seymore and his merry band wasn't highlight enough, at 5:00 PM it was time for the Video Secrets Flirt 4 Free (www.flirt4free.com) live chat extravaganza to begin. The show featured Flower (www.teamtushy.com) and Belladonna with Seymore sticking around to serve as MC. Of course the Showtime crew captured this as well.
VS President Greg Clayman gave me the rundown of how the chat functions as Flower lay sprawled across a bed, diddling her ass and vagina with vibrators. I'm still a bit hazy on the fascinating emergent technology VS utilizes in bringing Web denizens about as close as you can get to one-one-interaction save for actually being on top of the model, but I can damn well engage in an erudite conversation about Flower's pussy.
It really is amazing how up-close and personal you can get with the models. After the bed sheets were changed, Belladonna was introduced. What transpired on that bed was nothing short of spectacular. I don't make it a point to smoke, but afterwards I was reaching for the Marlboros like it was nobody's business.
There was a lot of activity inside the VS offices, what with the nude girls, Seymore, cameramen, bunnies (you'll just have to wait for the show), and about as much reality as one non-reality lover can handle. Thankfully, Clayman was kind enough to let me chill upstairs in his office. I even managed to have him comment on the day's proceedings:
"We're really happy to have Seymore Butts and the Family Business and Showtime family here producing their episode, and we look forward to working with Adam and doing more shows in the future with not just Adam but the rest of industry that wants to participate in the Flirt 4 Free program."
I'm still not sure how much of a reality TV kinda guy I am, but I have to say I had a blast at Video Secrets with Seymore and the Showtime gang.
Repeated calls to the Showtime offices about my pitch for a reality show called Trippin' Out remain unreturned at this point.
