The fifth time's the charm. Okay, the third time's the charm, but Screw publisher Al Goldstein, 66, is planning for his fifth wedding anyway, this time marrying B-Movie Scream Queen Linnea Quigley, 45. June 7th is "the day of infamy," as Goldstein refers to it.
Quigley, who has been in over eighty movies, including horror classics such as Return of the Living Dead, Pyscho From Texas, and Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, in addition to stoner classics Still Smokin' and Nice Dreams, feels that her acting background will help her with their marriage, which will be Goldstein's fifth and her second.
"Yeah it will help. I'll just keep saying 'it's a movie, it's just a movie'. We've already had a hostage crisis," Quigley told AVN.com, referring to a recent incident where an ex-girlfriend of Goldstein's locked herself in the guesthouse until a SWAT team arrived.
"We have nothing in common, so this is the perfect marriage," Goldstein explained. " She's 92 lbs. and beautiful. She's a vegan which means she won't steal my ice-cream or my hotdogs. Number two, she's a member of PETA and all I ever do is wear alligator, crocodile, and cobra. But she's got the best tasting pussy I've ever tasted."
"She's keeping a separate place because she has eight animals. I'm going to pay her rent, and pay her for sex, and pay her for cleaning my house," Goldstein, "I'm marrying her because I love her. Her father's 86, her mother's 82 - it will be nice for them to see her married. I ask one thing of her - that when I have my heart attack, she dial 911."
Goldstein proposed in manner befitting his reputation. "I was taking out the trash," Quigley admitted.
The couple, who have been off and on for the last four years, were introduced by Ron Jeremy at the Friar's Club in Beverly Hills. "I don't think I would have talked to him if I'd have known who he was," said Quigley.
Jeremy will be the best man for the wedding. Goldstein claims that AVN publisher Paul Fishbein and Bunnyranch owner Dennis Hof will both be flower girls for the wedding, which will take place in Pompano Beach.
"I told him I'd be an usher, that I'd carry a flashlight," Fishbein said. "Let Dennis Hof be his flowergirl."
"I hope Dennis will give me five hookers before the wedding," said Goldstein, who plans on wearing his favorite T-shirt for the wedding.
The couple may end up having kids - Goldstein has ten vials of sperm on ice. "When she's sleeping I'm going to impregnate her. Suddenly she'll bloom up from 92lbs to 120," declared Goldstein. "I turn out homicidal cattle thieves. "
"Of course that's just if the sperm still works. I heard he forgot to pay the storage bill. If that's the case, I'll just sleep with a black man and tell him the kid is his," quipped Quigley.
"She's the sweetest thing in the world. And again, she has the best tasting pussy I've ever had," admitted Goldstein.
"You know why I love her? Here's the real reason: In one of her movies, Silent Night, Deadly Night Santa Claus kills her and hangs her on the antlers of a reindeer. How can you not love a girl that Santa Claus kills?" asked a smitten Goldstein.
