LOS ANGELES—In an intriguing item titled "Porn skin for pig skin?" the San Diego Reader's Walter Mencken reports on a recent conversation he says he had with an "inside source" in the local government "known to this reporter as 'Deeper Throat,'" in which some rather unorthodox ideas were discussed that are allegedly being considered by the city as a way of countering the unthinkable possibility that the San Diego Chargers may up and move to Los Angeles.
The basic gist of Deeper Throat's leak to Mencken is that one solution to losing the Chargers being considered by the city is trading "professional football for professional fornication." In this scenario, San Diego would essentially swap the many headaches that come with pro football for the relative easy money that comes from getting in bed with the adult entertainment industry.
Dubbed "Operation Skin Swap," Deeper Throat explains that if San Diego is simply able to look past Los Angeles' intrusive mandatory condom mandate, a love affair of sorts could be in store for both the city and an industry warily looking to Las Vegas as "the nearest porn-friendly alternative.”
Instead, Deeper Throat continues, "San Diego could be the perfect porn town. It’s already L.A.’s little brother in so many ways; playing home to the country’s second-tier — but still extremely profitable — movie business is just a natural extension of that. It’s just a couple hours down the I-5 for all those struggling starlets who still want to hit the Hollywood casting couch in between interracial gangbangs. And its hands-off political stance when it comes to the private sector is already justly famous. If porn actors are allowed to have their way with porn actresses the way San Diego developers are allowed to have their way with the Southern California landscape...well, let’s just say I don’t think condoms are going to be an issue. With the right incentives, we could move the entire business down to you guys within two years. Financially, at least, you wouldn’t miss the Chargers one bit. The levels of physical performance are comparable. And Lord knows the team’s performance has gotten you used to the vague feelings of dissatisfaction and self-loathing many people experience after using porn.”
There have been voices raised in objection, says the insider; not for moral reasons, but out of concern that "porn is far less profitable than it used to be." But Deeper Throat retorts that even if that is so, San Diego should be more concerned about the quality of the relationship, arguing, "A company like Vivid Entertainment isn’t about to shake down the city for millions of dollars. You don’t need a brand new stadium to make great porn. If anyone’s getting bent over in this deal, it won’t be Joe Taxpayer.”
While an interesting idea, it will only fly if the statewide mandatory condom measure proposed by AIDS Healthcare Foundation for placement on next year's ballot is defeated. We have no idea if this is a pipedream, or if Deeper Throat even exists, but someone came up with this nutty idea, and if San Diego truly is serious about taking its destiny into its own hands, the "porn skin for pig skin" swap is as good a plan as any, but the city better get cracking marshaling its resources to defeat AHF's job-killing, city killing ballot measure. Time is not on its side!
[Ed. note: The above-referenced San Diego Reader article was filed under "SD on the QT: Almost Factual News."]
