Layla Jade and her husband, Bill write to Dirty Bob: "Hi Bob, Just a quick one to say HELLO ! ! ! from England. Yes, we have indeed successfully made our return home despite having learnt our lesson that crime pays ! ! !
"Yes, indeed, you did read correctly, and the motto to the story is, 'Dont take your T.shirt off on American Airlines.' Let me explain . . . . It all began like this, on Friday the 11th we were due to leave sunny California on Flight number 136 with American Airlines, Bill, we discovered on our initial flight to America, has, unfortunately, got a lot of cavities in his teeth. However, we were not fully aware of the full implications of this until we were in mid-air. The implications of this were that Bill spent near on 12 hours in FUCKING (and I dont use this strong word lightly) agony due to the change of airpressure in the cabin but not in his cavities ! ! !
"So on Friday, having become aware of this before we left for England, he took some strong painkillers. We got on said flight and sat in the plane for an hour expecting to depart with various different, unusual and unnerving noises emanating from the plane ( it was being tested for faults) around us.
"Eventually it was established that on that particular plane we weren't going anywhere, so we get off the plane and are informed by AA that another plane would be ready quite shortly, of course 'quite shortly' is then extended by several 'in another 30 mins'. So, while we are waiting we decided to finish off half a bottle of vodka that we had left from our trip.
"Believe you me, though, mate, we were not pissed or even tipsy by the time we got on the plane. Any mild 'buzz' that we may have achieved by downing that booze had long worn off. So, we get on the plane and we wait, and wait, and. . . . by this time the cabin is getting extremely warm. This is not helped by the fact that there appears to be no obvious air conditioning on the plane. Now myself, Lay, as a person that generally adores the heat and is rarely too hot, is indeed too hot. So, for Bill who is exactly the opposite of me, well he is finding it unbearably stuffy, is stressed out and with the warmth is starting to feel a bit spaced out and faint because of the painkillers kicking in.
"We should have been in the air much previously to all of this. Bill, without realising it committed a highly illegal and 100% offensive offense. HE DELIBERATELY REMOVED HIS T.SHIRT ! ! ! DU, , DADA. Maybe if he then proceeded to open all the overhead luggage compartments and started grabbing hold of them and swinging wildly around the cabin in a bizzare and completely ridiculous attempt of impersonating an ape I could understand what was to come next, but he didn't. . . . . .
"Bill sat, quietly, and politely and, using a little English reserve shall we say, acutely covered, yes covered, the majority of his torso with his T.shirt that he had just removed. He is not a Porno Star so therefore like most regular guys in the street does not necessarily feel comfortable sitting particularly undressed in front of a bunch of complete strangers.
"The next thing we know is that all hell breaks loose, and, as we quietly sit in our regular class seats, we are beared down upon by a rather rude stewardess who says in a unnessacerily rude manner, and I quote 'Get your T.shirt back on.' !
"Now, it wasn't as much what she said that sparked the whole fiasco off, it was more the way in which she said it, if she had perhaps (and were not suggesting that she should have licked are arses) said, in a reasonable enough manner, 'Excuse me Sir, but could you put your top back on as you appear to be disturbing the other passengers and its violating the company's policy to remove your T.shirt whilst on our Airlines' or words to that affect, then there wouldn't have been a problem. But because of the manner that she spoke to Bill in, he immediately retorted with, 'No, IM not going to.'. . .
" 'Well, in that case then,' she said, 'I'M going to tell on you to so and so.' As she turned her back, Bill called her a stupid fucking Bitch, and, to be honest with you, I cant say I blame him what with all the messing around that we had to put up with courtesy of American Airlines.
"The next thing is Enter Pakistani Boy (aged about 10 !) who tells us that if we dont get off the plane ourselves then he will just send in the LAPD to escort us off the plane in front of everyone, and Bill will then be arrested. Charmed, Im sure . . .
"We got off the plane and were met by the cops. Luckily they didn't arrest Bill, though we did make sure that we left the Plane in style with Bill Shouting at the top of his voice as we walked the length of the plane 'Whatever you do NOT remove your T.shirt. I did and look what happened to me, American Airlines are a bunch of WANKERS.'
" 'HELLO 1st Class, whatever you do, DONT etc,etc" Oi Pilot, your a tosser.' Need I say more. The punchline to the story though is this mate, because we didn't know that it was Veterans day, we weren't able to get any money out of the bank or not the amount that we wanted anyway. We had been to the mall and got a cab to the airport so that by the time we were on the plane, we had no cash on us. We kicked up a stink and explained this and it was arranged that we could be put up in the Embassy suites Hotel for the night courtesy of American Airlines so that we could catch the same flight only 24 hours later.
"This is where we WON. BIGSTYLE. This hotel was worth being hauled off the flight and everything, just to see this place, it was an attraction in itself.
"I'll tell you what, I have never ever in my life seen a hotel as beautiful as this one, it was absolutely incredible. It was so amazing and it had all these oriental gardens inside with not only mini waterfalls but also ponds containing ducks, terrapins and these massive gold fish. We brought a camera for the SOLE purpose of taking pictures of this place, which you have got to see, as soon as the Pics are developed we will email them to you.
"Also we were given a meal voucher, we weren't particularly concerned about what we ate in a place where the appetisers were over 10 bucks, we were more intent on running up a big bill for AA which in a place like that caused no major difficulties. It was wicked, and would be an incredible place to shoot, if you could get away with it."
