Only moments ago, on the nationally syndicated "Tyra Banks Show," the leggy, divine hostess (and savior to lesser mortals) intervened in the wretched porn existence of the woman who calls herself Tyra Banxxx, star of such titles as Jail House Girls (Cherry Boxxx) and The Little Whore That Could (Jill Kelly Productions).
“Look me in the eyes and tell me you’re to quit porn,” intoned the mesmerizing Banks, utilizing the tremendous powers of mind control that are the birthright of any supermodel. “Tyra,” said Tyra, “I’m going to quit porn.”
Certainly an unforgettable moment in television history, right up there with Tiny Tim’s Tonight Show wedding and the Janet Jackson Exposed Boob Incident. Not only did big-hearted Banks raise this confused young woman out of the mire of a career in pornography, she demanded her name back. The Other Tyra complied. No longer will unwitting smut enthusiasts be fooled by the deceptive Banks/Banxxx moniker, no longer will the righteous supermodel be peppered with questions about when her next DP scene will hit the shelves.
But Banks is a benevolent star. In urging the contrite Banxxx out of the industry, she offered incentives: a job counselor. Therapy. An all-expenses-paid scholarship to the West Valley Occupational Center where Banxxx (Alana, in real life) can pursue her dream of a career in cosmetology. Beyond all that, The Real Tyra told The Other Tyra she can drop by the show anytime and watch her make-up people at work. Anytime. And maybe, just maybe, the reborn Alana might be allowed to apply cosmetics to the face of Tyra Herself.
Is it all a publicity stunt? Will Banxxx really exit porn? It all remains to be seen. One can only wonder what might have happened if she’d called herself Lindsay Lohan.
