PITTSBURGH, Pa.—What kind of a hopped up, unhinged lunatic sullies the sanctity of a Major League Baseball stadium by committing an act of such distaste—nay, outright sacrilege—as donning a unicorn mask and dancing around for 20 seconds in its stands?
Well, you'd have to ask adult star Andy San Dimas, who's had a lot of 'splainin to do the past couple days as a result of perpetrating that very offense at a Pittsbrugh Pirates game last weekend while in town to feature dance at local gentlemen's club Cheerleaders. As TMZ and others have dutifully reported, not only did San Dimas get herself (along with friend and roadie Steviee Hughes) booted from the stadium due to the rabblerousing incident, but in the process landed a Pittsburgh police officer in hot water by coercing him into engaging in this perverse unicorn head modeling practice ... and posting a picture of it on the internet.
The horror.
As has also been reported, this ritual, if you will, is the trademark of a sinister new cult on the rise, of which San Dimas may or may not be a high-ranking member, known as the "Unicorn Army."
"It's a little hobby," San Dimas averred to AVN. "It's just a fun little thing, we're not hurting anyone."
But what about the poor police officer you sucked into your unicorn cult, Ms. San Dimas? How will you feel if he loses his job over this, or even worse, gets branded with the name "Unicorn Boy" by his fellow squad members?
According to San Dimas, at the time the incriminating photo at the heart of this scandal was taken, neither Unicorn Boy nor his fellow officers seemed to find anything untoward about the goings on.
"It was the security office, it was not the police station," she made sure to clarify. "So I get up there and there's about 10 police officers, and they all thought it was funny. They were all totally professional and totally nice, we laughed and told a few jokes, and we took the picture with the mask on. A police officer takes a picture to show he's human. He didn't do anything wrong. I left peacefully. It was time for me to go anyway, I had a show to do."
To San Dimas' clearly distorted mind, this entire imbroglio is an example of the media's "prejudice" against porn stars devoid of decorum such as herself. "Had this been James Deen, it would have been the cutest thing in the world," she protested. "Everyone would have ate it up, and because it was me, it was like, 'Oh my gosh, what about the children?!' I am so sorry to everybody in Pittsburgh who I may have offended by being alive and breathing. I didn't think that me having fun was going to be a big deal, but apparently it was."
She did add that she hopes Cheerleaders is able to parlay this publicity into a boost for business, noting, "It was a really great club, I had a great time."
As for her further endeavors with the Unicorn Army, she forewarned: "You can expect to be seeing a lot more."
Pictured: Andy San Dimas in front of PNC Park (courtesy of instagram.com/lashoegal), Andy San Dimas and Unicorn Boy in the PNC Park security office (courtesy of twitter.com/theunicornarmy).
