Looking at myself in the mirror, I feel like I’ve grown so much in less than a year. I know that that’s how life goes, as days go by, as years go by, you grow, you get older. But I feel that I’ve lived 100 lives in one year.
I’m Madelene Ray. I’ve been a cam model for a year and this is my story.
I’ve grown up in a town in Romania best known for being one of the poorest cities in my country. Nobody has a job and the ones that do, either work for nothing or are not there anymore.
My parents are very religious and they raised me to believe that whatever I do, God sees it and judges me, so I lived my life with the fear of being struck down by lightning whenever I even thought of a boy.
I moved to Bucharest two years ago with a small-town girl’s dreams of making means for myself, so I registered for a nursing class. I hated everything about it and I saw so many young girls come there with different problems, talking to me about boys and such. So I made a promise to myself that I’d never fall for a boy and let him make me cry or suffer.
That happened of course.
I cried and cried and called my mother. She told me that I woman should bow her head in front of a man and that I wasn’t good enough for the guy.
A friend of mine was a cam girl and I always saw her smiling and having money, playing guys and never ever crying for one.
She introduced me to this world and what I can say is “whoa.”
I was shy at first, I had no idea what to do and in a private session with someone telling me to touch myself, I started crying. I didn’t know anything about my body, I was awkward and I needed a lot of guidance.
I was lucky with the trainers. They knew what and how to speak to me and sure enough, they broke down my walls. Day after day of constant reinforcement and positive affirmations helped me become a woman. A woman that loved to tease and smile. I found myself looking in the mirror when I put on my lingerie and checking myself out.
I didn’t exactly know what to do with the money that I got so in the first months, I was spending like crazy on different stuff that I didn’t need. The studio manager came to me and asked me why I’m asking for an advance and I bowed my head in shame. I was spending them crazy, not thinking about what could happen, nor saving them for important things like an apartment or a better life.
The manager approached me—he knew what I was going through because, apparently, this happens to a lot of new and young cam girls. He helped me, mentored me and taught me how to save my money.
Everything seemed to go up from there and I felt like I was reborn into myself. Even my nickname, Madelene—that means “elevated”—was a sign of “yes, I can do it!”
I started traveling and for my first travel with the studio, I went to the US. I don’t think anyone can imagine how I felt the moment I stepped foot on American soil. Do you know those movies where you see the main actress coming from a small town and finally make it? It was real. I did it. I saw my dream and I was living it.
Never have I ever imagined I’ll get to see all of this. I got to see LA and Vegas, got to party with the stars and eat the best steak, drink the best Napa wine and sleep in the same hotel rooms as rock stars used to sleep in.
I’m so glad I found this job. I’m so glad I found Studio 20 and I’m so glad that I didn’t break down. I’m happy for all of it. I love my mirrors now. I think I’m going to make a room full of mirrors to admire myself in.
I am happy, I am free, I love myself (pun intended) and I do it better than anyone could have ever done.
I am Madelene Ray, proud member of the #GirlsFromStudio20.