LOS ANGELES—Vice Canada shared what it has learned about Canadians' vices in a piece posted yesterday that takes a province-by-province look at current obsessions as exposed by Google Trends, which works, according to the article, by plugging "terms like 'anal sex' into Google Trends to find out which provinces and territories had the most 'regional interest' in particular topics. Regional interest on Google is decided using a top-secret algorithm that finds out exactly which parts of the country enjoy learning about putting things in their butts the most."
While such search data has been available since 2004, the Vice gang decided to explore trends for 2014 only, which of course means that a third of the year will not be counted because it has yet to happen. Still, as explained by the Vice Canadian staff, "What we came up with at the end of it all is a veritable psychological profile, province by province, territory by territory, that provides a glimpse into the darkest corners of the Canadian psyche."
If truth be told, though, the results are not that bad, and in fact indicate a citizenry whose searches are probably not that different from anyone else's. There are differences among the provinces, of course, and those differences are likely to be in some way reflected in the types of queries being made, but such nuances can only be fully appreciated after spending time with the natives, rather than via Google or any other search engine.
That said, we list the provinces and the top trend queries below, while noting that each selection in the article includes a uniquely Vicean paragraph or two elaborating on the findings:
NORTHWEST TERRITORIES
Most searched for: pussy, porn, fire, teen, tits, free porn, salad, party, winter, expedia
NOVA SCOTIA
Most searched for: murder, herpes, assassination, big cocks, BDSM, justin trudeau, ISIS, torture
PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
Most searched for: weed, penis, torrents, weight loss, vagina, RCMP, shania twain, gay porn, russia, ice cream, depression, hockey, drunk, diarrhea, fitness, fun
SASKATCHEWAN
Most searched for: beastiality, dubstep, guns, nickelback, fisting, corner gas, residential schools, green poop, beavers, whiskey, ice fishing, strippers, suicide, racism, serial killer, testicles, condoms
NEWFOUNDLAND
Most searched for: cocaine, anal sex, vodka, hairy, BBW, acoustic guitar, skidoo, hunting, punk, gangbang, tattoos, literature, poetry, constipation, family guy, violence
ALBERTA
Most searched for: hot pants, fleshlight, nazis, LSD, pregnant porn, gonorrhea, pipelines, stabbing, black poop, bleeding nose, racist jokes, big butts, gaping, lube, penis enlargement, boob job, fake tits, EDM, snuff, kidnapping, meth
NEW BRUNSWICK
Most searched for: fart, crossfit, maple syrup, deepthroat, lesbian porn, amateur porn, mature porn, theft
BRITISH COLUMBIA
Most searched for: feces, MDMA, rave, gangster, heroin, hangover cure, NSA, booze, gin, knives, vegan, breast reduction, rock climbing, bitcoin, ayahuasca, dominatrix, science, meditation
ONTARIO
Most searched for: drake, justin bieber, hoser, escort service, black jokes, how to murder, ashley madison, asian jokes, stephen harper, police brutality, small cocks, CSIS, interracial, tequila, autopsy photos, liberal party, NDP, conservative party, election, philosophy, panic attack, seeking arrangement
MANITOBA
Most searched for: poison, rick mercer, overdose, twerking, falafel, gangs, skateboarding, graffiti, stan, rough sex, sniper
QUEBEC
Most searched for: poutine, limp bizkit, golden shower, hallucination, mafia, fail compilation, jogging, masturbation, deep web, prison
YUKON
Most searched for: gold, mining, fishing, math, yoga, art, flights, travel
NUNAVUT
Most searched for: nunavut
