Would You Believe: Sexually Sane Restaurant Patrons in Florida?

ORLANDO, Fla.—We may never know what Jeremie Calo and Tiffani Lynn Barganier intended when they stopped into Paddy Murphy's restaurant last Monday night, but who knows what anyone will do once they've got a couple of drinks into them, eh?

What Jeremie and Tiffani did, though, was to start fucking on top of the outdoor table at which they were seated, in full view of the rest of the patrons and those patrons' kids.

Or as the restaurant's owner, Tom Murphy, told police later that evening, "On 10/15/2012 he was notified by several patrons that a couple was having sex on a table in view of minor children. Murphy approached the couple and told them to stop. The male (later identified as Jeremie Calo) responded, 'She (Tiffani Barganier) can't get up at this time.' Murphy stated to Calo, 'Compose yourself, pay your tab or I'll call the police.' Calo signed the check, 'NO.' Murphy went into the restaurant and called 911. As Murphy made the phone call, he observed Calo leaving the business with two glasses. Murphy and employee John Mulvey confronted Calo outside of the business and told him to sit down and wait. Calo stated, 'Fuck you' and pushed Murphy in an attempt to leave the area. To prevent Calo from leaving, Murphy and Mulvey held him down until Officer Sommersdorf #5452 and I arrived."

As it turned out, the police arrested Calo for non-payment of the restaurant bill, and he and Barganier were barred from Murphy's for a year—but here's the kicker, again per the police report:

"The parents of the young children that observed Calo and Barganier having sex declined to write statements regarding their observations."

Is that cool or what?

Now, of course, the rest of the patrons might just have decided that they didn't need to waste their time writing out a police report about the sex since the guy was being busted for running out on the check anyway... but maybe they just decided that a couple having consensual sex on a restaurant tabletop wasn't something someone should go to jail for.

Of course, once the religio-conservative media pick up on this story, they'll drag out some shit about how our oversexed culture allows things like this to happen, and how pornographers are so powerful that they've cowed ordinary citizens into being silent in the face of what they'll undoubtedly describe as an "outrage"... but maybe it's just that the patrons of this restaurant thought about the "crime" being committed, thought about what the punishment might be in relation to the "severity" of the "crime"... and opted to say to themselves, "Live and let live—it's the American way."

We'll never know what actually went through those patrons' minds, but it's nice to think, on a pleasant Friday evening, that when it came to a choice between getting two (relatively) innocent people in trouble for following their passion where it led them, or putting them behind bars for their actions, the patrons just said, "What the hell; our kids aren't likely to start having nightmares from seeing a couple fucking, and if those two don't give a shit about who sees them have sex, why should we?"

That's sexual sanity!

Pictured: The perps