So... Now That Batman Has Shown His Dick, What Will XXX Do?

NEW YORK CITY—DC Comics, home of Superman, Wonder Woman, the Flash and many other superheroes, has long been thought of as the more wishy-washy of the two major comic book brands—the other being Marvel Comics. But all that changed on September 19, when DC released Batman: Damned, the first volume under its new imprint, Black Label.

As DC itself tells it, "DC Black Label is a brand-new publishing imprint dedicated to giving premier writers and artists the chance to expand on DC’s unrivaled characters with unique, standalone stories set outside DC continuity. The imprint will be DC’s home for classy, collectible superhero stories aimed at mature readers looking to be challenged and surprised as they’re entertained, with an eye for the unique and remarkable."

Well, one thing's not in doubt: DC's "mature readers" (and plenty of less mature ones) were certainly surprised when they leafed through Batman: Damned #1. The story begins with Batman waking from unconsciousness in an alley. He knows one thing: The Joker is dead. But the question is, did Batman kill him, and the answer to that is what Batman has to discover—but first, he has to solve another mystery: Last he knew before blacking out, he'd been stabbed a number of times, but upon awakening, all of his wounds appear to have vanished. But stickler for detail that he is, Batman decides he'd better explore his entire body just to make sure that all the wounds are gone—and therein lies (mainstream) comic book history.

"In a panel from Batman: Damned #1, written by Brian Azzarello and brought to life by Lee Bermejo, the hero is seen striding away from his Batmobile, having stripped off his clothes," noted Josh Jackman of PinkNews.co.uk, a gay-oriented website. "The Dark Knight’s sculpted physique is clearly visible, as is his penis, hanging right against one of his sizeable thighs, below his chiseled torso, with the faintest outline of a scrotum behind the hero’s member."

But that's not all. First, readers are treated a shot of Batsy's bare ass and muscular thighs, followed by the full frontal reveal, though admittedly mostly in shadow, of the Bat-dick in all of its glory—a dick that would certainly earn Bruce Wayne a place in the porn universe if he ever decided to change professions. (The uncensored three-panel sequence can be found here.)

Reaction to the Bat-dick reveal was swift ... and polarized.

"There’s an elephant in the room on this issue, god only knows why it matters but the universe flipped out about it so I’ll tackle it first: We can confirm that Batman is a dude," wrote Matt Johnson of BoundingIntoComics.com. "Dudes have penises and have since the dawn of time. You see an outline of it in a few shots in this issue and so what? Dicks have been around since the dawn of time and from my understanding they seem to keep to the same make and model, but since it’s the Bat-wang it matters to the internet."

Of course, TMZ was quick to pick up on the news, writing, "Batman fans are getting a good hard look at Bruce Wayne like never before—'cause the Dark Knight's manhood is on display in a new comic that's definitely not for kids."

Not to be left out, Vice News reported to its readers, "The Bat-phallus was revealed in Damned #1, the first issue from DC's mature Black Label imprint. The story follows the Circumcised Crusader as he grapples with amnesia and tries to solve the Joker's murder—and no, the culprit isn't Tommy Wiseau's awful impression of the supervillain. There will be two more issues of Damned, which means at least two more opportunities for writers Brian Azzarello and Lee Bermejo to give the Bat-Schlong the spotlight it deserves."

Uh, not so fast. The Bat-member has given some comic shop owners the palpitations, with Patrick Potter, owner of the Largo, Florida-based Comic World shop, writing to Dan DiDio, current publisher of DC Comics, his displeasure at not having had any advance warning of just what would be in store for readers of Batman: Damned.

"While DC may see no harm in this type of gratuitous display, and may feel labeling it 'mature readers' is enough of a deterrent to under-18-age buyers getting their hands on it, you should have—at the very least—polybagged it with a warning to retailers to not sell copies to anyone under 18," Potter wrote. "I guess it’s no big deal to you if some parent looks through our shelf copies, sees Batman’s penis, then files a complaint with the local authorities resulting in some clueless retailer’s arrest. I haven’t forgotten Friendly Frank’s or the reasons why the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund exists."

As Rich Johnson of BleedingCool.com points out, "Friendly Frank’s was a comic book store in Lansing, Illinois, where twenty-two years ago, police officers bought a number of comics, then returned to seize comics including Omaha the Cat Dancer, Weirdo, and Heavy Metal. Store manager Michael Correa was arrested in handcuffs and police shut the store down for five days. Elektra: Assassin, Love & Rockets, Ms. Tree, Bodessey, and Elfquest were added to the list of titles for which Correa faced charges of display of obscene materials."

Anyone familiar with those titles knows that most of them barely showed any nudity, much less sex acts, but that didn't stop Correa from having been convicted of "display of obscene materials," fined $750 and put on a year's probation—for materials that wouldn't have raised an eyebrow in most other large cities in the U.S.. But it's thanks to Friendly Frank's that the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund now exists.

But conceivably, DiDio took Potter's complaint to heart, since Vice.com posted two updates to its original story the same day it went live: "It's come to light that DC has censored the Bat-dong in the online version of the comic. Gotham's most mysterious genitals will be only be available in physical copies of Damned," and "Batman's penis will be edited out of all future print editions of Damned #1, in addition to the digital one, a source told IGN on Thursday."

Hmmm ... we're guessing that's one of the reasons why it's no longer possible to buy Batman: Damned #1 anywhere at its list price of $6.99, even though it was released just two weeks ago. The lowest price to be found for that first issue on eBay is $59.99, with other offers gusting as high as $159.90, and with some online retailers asking as much as $299.99 for a mint copy.

But of course, the real question is, now that DC Comics has broken the "penis barrier," however briefly (though collector's editions of comics seem to live forever), when will some entrepreneurial adult studio decide to capitalize on this mainstream notoriety with a new Batman parody? (To be fair, the Bat-hero has already been played by Dale DaBone, Nick Manning and Giovanni Francesco for Vivid Entertainment, Bluebird Films and Wicked Pictures, respectively—and who knows? Maybe Bermejo's seen one or more of them, and was inspired by the well-hungedness of the actors!)

We'll be waiting ...