RICHMOND, Va.—Conservatives, many of them hyper-religious, are about to be in charge of the federal government, and that fact seems to have emboldened lesser pols across the country to try to legislate against the will of the American people by enacting resolutions targeting one of their favorite pastimes, watching porn.

Now that state Rep. Bill Chumley and pal Mike Burns have prefiled a "Human Trafficking Prevention Act" that would require internet filtering on all computers in South Carolina, Virginia Del. Robert G. Marshall (guess which party) apparently has been moved by his party's presidential platform to introduce House Joint Resolution 549 before the state's General Assembly when it reconvenes on January 11, aimed at "Recognizing pornography as a public health hazard leading to a broad spectrum of individual and public health impacts and societal harms"—most of which, of course, are horseshit.

The resolution uses such meaningless buzz-phrases as "perpetuates a sexually toxic environment"; that porn "lead[s] to low self-esteem and body image disorders" and "hypersexualization of teenagers, and even prepubescent children" [!!!]; "treats women as objects and commodities for the viewer's use," "increases the demand for sex trafficking," is "linked to an increased likelihood that girls will engage in group intercourse" [!!!] and claims porn is "potentially biologically addictive," which supposedly "leads to increasing themes of risky sexual behaviors, extreme degradation, violence, child sexual abuse, and child pornography."

One can only wonder which batshit crazy individuals or group is advising this ignoramus. Our money's on National Center on Sexual Exploitation's "Fight The New Drug" campaign, because where else does one go these days to find such bogus "facts" (aka fake news) as that "young children are exposed to what used to be referred to as hardcore, but is now considered mainstream, pornography at an alarming rate" (what does that even mean? Hardcore is hardcore; always has been) or "the average age of exposure to pornography is now 11 to 12 years of age" ("average"? Hardly) or that porn "normalizes violence and abuse of women and children" and "equates violence toward women and children with sex and pain with pleasure" (actually, pretty much everyone can tell the difference between those) and "can potentially negatively affect brain development and functioning, contribute to emotional and medical illnesses, [and] shape deviant sexual arousal," none of which porn can actually cause.

Even better, according to an article by Laura Vozzella in today's Washington Post, Marshall "compared the value of the declaration to the one U.S. Surgeon General Luther L. Terry made in 1964, with the first official report to link cigarettes to disease." Of course, government officials have been bashing porn since time immemorial, and beyond that, Marshall's ignoring the fact that U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, when asked whether it would be worthwhile to promote masturbation as a means of preventing young people from engaging in actual intercourse, replied, "I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught." And guess what: Most people masturbate to porn!

"The measure does not call for any sort of ban," Vozzella notes, "only a broad recognition of 'the need for education, prevention, research, and policy change at the community and societal level in order to address the pornography epidemic that is harming the people of the Commonwealth and the nation." (Maybe Marshall should stick something in his Resolution about funding research into a vaccine to fight that [nonexistent] epidemic!)

Sadly, apparently even Virginia's Democrats aren't immune to this crap. State Sen. Barbara A. Favola, whom Vozzella describes as "one of the legislature’s staunchest defenders of women’s rights," stated, "We will talk about it in the women’s health caucus, I’m sure of that. He’s right; pornography does have a negative impact on public health, and it does lead to lots of other issues. I’m going to look at it."

Don't strain your eyes, Babs!